only love of my life

2009-02-02T11:59:00.001+08:00

http://tjunggg.blogspot.com

2009-01-27T15:56:00.002+08:00

Why am I born with so many weaknesses in me.

I have nothing to be proud of.

Aye, whatever.

One of the most depressing nights ever.

Till then.

2009-01-25T03:38:00.004+08:00

I don't know how to start.

Huahhhhhh it has been so long since I last blogged.

OOPS..

HAHAHAHHAHA

And omg i realised i miss cedar so bad.

I want to go back + visiiittt!!! And I wanna listen to CSB! Esp during their SYF this year.

GOLDGOLDGOLDDDD!! :)

Mwahahhaa. I miss secondary school days.

Those days in which I know of nothing else but friendship, school and studies.

Those days in which I could practically crush on anybody without thinking ahead.

Huaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Not like I'm complaining about my life now.

I know someday I've gotta go through this, and learn.

Darrrnnnn this is harder than studying for business law + accounting at the same time.

Ohmhaigatt-__-

I NEED TO COMMIT. and guard my heart. and start being more sensitive.

But I don't think I'm doing my best over here.

Sometimes I think this can be such an irony.

You don't even know how much you mean to me.

Hwaaahhhhhh daaarrrnnnnnnnnnn complicated affairs of the heart.

2009-01-01T13:44:00.005+08:00

1 January 2009.

Another brand new year.

The new me.
A better me? Yeaaaaaaa! HAHA.

Oh crap I haven't jot down any of my 2009 resolutions. Ahhhh!
Guess what,
I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER THEM! HAHAHAHAHA.

Anyway.
It's today. today todayyyyyy.

He's coming back tonight.

....

Ahh.

I can't lose you.

Give and take.

I don't want to hurt anymore hearts, wet anybody's eyes no more.

I just want to be the best that I can be.

2008-12-20T18:20:00.002+08:00

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need

I can't believe I've been in USA for exactly a year already.
The weather's getting so cold. And my sleeping hours are more screwed than ever before.
6.00AM till 4.00PM for the past four days. Darn.

I need to head to the gym tomorrow.
These adipose tissues are regenerating at a speed of lightning. I can't breathe properly.
GOSSHHHHH I NEED TO BURN THESE FATS. OMG. SO CORPULENT. ROTUND. OBESE. CRAAAAPPPPPPP! T_T

Anyway.
I hate hatehatehate hate hate hate absolutely extremely detest a certain person with a crooked nose.
What do you have against me that you seem to be overjoyed over this pathetic state of mine?
I wish you'd disappear from the face of this earth. The thought of bumping onto you sends shivers up my spine. So gross.
Ultimate negativity. I'd never felt like this before.

Well, for now,
I'm stuck.

Finally I bring myself together to admit to the fact that no,
I don't want to lose you.

:)

All I want for Christmas is you.

2008-12-15T03:30:00.001+08:00

WHAT HAVE I DONE

KARMA

Too late.

2008-12-04T07:10:00.000+08:00

I can't stop hurting people.

2008-11-19T09:02:00.003+08:00

So,

what have I been up to?

Sorry that I haven't been updating. I'm no longer addicted to blogging like how I used to (errr back then I couldn't survive without a day of updating this site. HAHA exaggerated, but uhhh you get my point.. :] heh)

OMG I MISS THOSE DAYS BACK IN CEDAR.

This is really random, because I'm honestly enjoying my life in the United States anyway. But still, those memories in Cedar are locked in a secret corner deep inside my heart, and no one can take that away from me. Heh.

Recess gang! Where have you guys disappeared to??? I still want to queue up for Bak Chor Mee! HAHA. Kiasu like hell, but do we even care? :)

Yeah, so I've been tied down with lots of work lately. Last minute work, I mean. Haha. But finally I'm done with this midterms for this week. Two nights full of accounting is way draining. But who the hell cares, I'm done with it! HOHO. Even though I still have another midterm to go, uhhhhhh. Mood spoiler.

Okay.

So Kum's birthday was on the 16th last week.

HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY~! Hahaha even though this entry is kinda expired, it's the thought that counts. Hehhehehe I hope you enjoyed yourself.

Don't be emo anymore okay. Let's make the best out of this last month together. With "FAMILY". HAHA. (I can't believe I finally got to accept the fact that I actually have a FAMILY here omg -_-)

Picts up! :)

KUM's Birthday!:

See! Kum is the most popular girl in school. Just take a look at the number of people present during her birthday surprise. Tsk tsk. How can I not be proud to have such a roomate like her??? HAHAHA.

(She's going to kill me for this. O ow.)

AND.

SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA SCREAM OUT LOUD.

Or maybe run away to Highway 9 and freeze myself in the midst of the chilly wind.

Blank my mind and diffuse those negative thoughts away.

I wish I could just stop thinking so much.

Stop reading too deeply into simple things that might actually virtually mean nothing, nothing at all.

And ignore the impact others might suffer due to the selfish me.

I'm too ignorant.

Too insensible.

Too self-centered, oblivious, insensitive.

If only I could just rewind back time.

If only I could press backspace.

Delete everything.

Remove it to the trash folder.

Stuck.

Caught in the middle.

Superficial laughter, artificial smiles and absurd thoughts.

So hollow. Empty. Meaningless.

Eventually all will boil down to nothingness.

My weakness is that I care too much.

I can't seem to stop hurting others.

And indirectly inflicting pain onto myself at the same time too.

I keep holding back.

One question:

Have you ever regretted knowing me?

2008-11-12T13:34:00.002+08:00

I JUST WNA SCREAM OUT LOUDDDDDDDDD!

Economics midterm tomorrow.

I'm going to

die

die.

Nothing's getting in.

Yet I'm not panicking.

This is a bad sign.

T_T

Anyway

I realised that sometimes my life can be full of unnecessary drama and redundant blown up scenes.

And when I'm thrown into such situations, I'd lose myself.

But afterwards when I take a step back and observe, I realised how simple things could have been.

The only problem is that,

the realisation part always come in too late.

For now,

I'm at a loss of words.

It's unexplainable, complicated, messed up.

To taste the sweet, I feel the pain.

Hopefully things will not turn out to be that bad afterall.

Have you ever felt like you know what is right or wrong, but you just can't help it because your heart tells you otherwise.

I'd never expected myself to react this way.

I feel like as if I'm losing myself.

My mind's clear. My decision unchanged.

I stand still, clutching tightly to my values and thoughts.

But why do I still feel the tinge of uncertainty whenever I think of what's to come.

Easier said than done.

Going with the flow.

I don't wanna hurt anybody.

& Here I am,

stuck once more on the lyrics of 'Here Without You' by Hellogoodbye.

...

Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me

Whispers, hello I miss you quite terribly

I fell in love, in love with you suddenly

And there's no where else I could be, but here in your arms.

Aye. Aye. Aye.!!!!!

Torn apart between two contrasting sides.

/Never knew I could feel like this

Like I've never seen the sky before

Want to vanish inside your kiss

Everyday I love you more than this.

Come What May

2008-11-06T07:31:00.002+08:00

See that line,
Well I never should've never crossed it.

2008-10-19T17:49:00.000+08:00

All these while,

you don't even care.

2008-10-19T04:49:00.002+08:00

Twin Peaks trip at San Francisco with Kum, Zemon, Mandy and Abenk.

Departed at 4AM. And our plan was to watch sunrise together up at the top of the mountain where we could see the whole town of SF.

But somehow Kum, Mandy and I fell asleep in the car unknowingly at around 5AM and when we opened our eyes, the sun was already high up in the sky. -_-

And the reason why I woke up was because the weather was crazily cold and my bladder was about to burst.

In the end, we were trapped in the car, with our bodies aching from the uncomfortable sleeping position and we were shivering in the cold like some penguins without fur.

What an experience!

Left Twin Peaks hunting for toilet and had Dim Sum for breakfast.

The food served was below our expectations.

The worst thing was that the waiters could barely understand Mandarin and were blabbering away in Cantonese. Like I understand?! -_-" So there was so much misunderstanding with the menu and they ended up looking pissed off. HAHA. Spent $17 each for breakfast, crazyyy!

And now I'm supposed to be on my bed, tucked under the blanket compensating for my sleeping time. I think this week had been really crazy. My sleeping hours are officially screwed. Mon-Thu sleeping at 4.30am (and waking up at 7.30am).. and only around 1.5 hours of sleep in the car last night. I'm turning into a nocturnal freak. Ah.

Downhearted. Frustrated. Hopeless. Disappointed.

I feel so messed up.

Yeah maybe you didn't mean what you said.

Those words came pelting down to me like hailstones, like a strike of lightning that awakened me; Is that what you really feel.
Traumatized. Lost. Scared.
It's like the same scene repeating itself again, the only difference is that it is staged by different people now. Another you, and a different him.

Can't we rewind back to those moments when there was nothing to fear or worry about.
Or maybe turn back to the time when we should never have crossed each other's paths.

I hate being close to people and then losing them a moment after.

WHY DOES EVERY MOMENT WITH YOU HAVE TO BE SO HARD?

I get this feeling that things are going to change. And I can't do anything to stop it from happening.

A total reversal of emotional states.
I'm going to lose you like how it had happened before.

2008-10-17T16:10:00.002+08:00

Last night was awesome.

Finally 6 hours of sleep, after four consecutive days of studying till 4.30AM and waking up three hours later? Ah, mad rush.

I'm kinda disappointed with my accounting and economics midterm. I know I could've done better if I'd gone through the materials at least a few days before the exam itself. Procrastination kills. I hope there's still a chance for me to boost my grade up. I need to study harder for the next exam!

I love my job but sometimes it gets so tiring.

I think it's a good character training cuz I tend not to get angry easily these days.. I learn to be more patient! HAHA. Yeah the satisfaction of being able to teach something to someone just can't be put into words. I'm glad I took up the job.. :]

Anyway.

At times I need to learn to care, the right way.

Inevitably sometimes I give others the wrong idea, the wrong impression,

False hopes.

Don't wanna go through another cycle of that. I've had enough. How does it feel to give it your all, and end up being stuck alone, lonely, and disappointed.

I guess I don't see a real meaning of it.

Time passes. People change. Feelings fade away.

Flames to dust. Lovers to friends. Why do all good things come to an end.

Even though everything is over, I can't deny that sometimes I still care.

I wonder if you're doing fine. I want to reach out to help, but then I stop, step back, and get reminded of the past.

And I'll turn back and walk away.

My weakness is that, I care too much.

On the other hand, I can't bear to ignore you, push you aside, and be mean.

Why do you have to be so nice. Why why why why why why why why.

Emo.

2008-10-10T09:58:00.005+08:00

It's 7 PM now and I just reached home.

Dragged my exhausted self into the house, and then I heard the sound of my speaker playing an unfamiliar melody. Dumbfounded, I was about to blame

myself for not remembering to switch off the computer before I left the house. But to my surprise, I noticed this strange red cloth thing being laid out on the carpet floor. There were so many things on it, like a heap of mess. So I turned on the lights, and what unfolded before my very own eyes caused me to stand there in pure astonishment and confusion.

OMG.

A MILLION WORDS JUST CAN'T DESCRIBE MY EXACT EMOTIONS AT THAT POINT OF TIME OKAY.

It was not just a red cloth filled with many printed photographs on them,

it was not just songs being played in random mode,

it was not just ordinary decorations you put up whenever yo

u want to beautify your house;

but what I saw was:

A symbol of friendship; more like the strong unbreakable bond between us.

They were all those photographs taken at random times during days spent in the United States.

Even though most of them are really lame and meaningless random photos,

somehow they portrayed what happiness meant.

Our definition of fun.

Smiles, wacky faces, memorable outings, narcissistic times, mini celebrations, laughters, crazy moments, carefree days etc..

Lunch together after school, weekend gatherings, friday or saturday night at hamptons, surprising people on their birthdays, bbq, msn combined chats..

Christmas eve at Santa Cruz, getting lost at Stanford church, Verde, New year's eve together, skipping classes, long night conference calls, cheap yoshinoya meals..

And who would ever imagine that things will turn out this way?

Flames to dust

Lovers to friends

Why do all good things come to an end

But anyhow,

I'm so glad to have found close friends like Kum and Remon. (FAMILY

, as he claimed it to be). Haha, shyaaat, I can't believe such a random act like that printing out photos etc would bring about endless thoughts to my mind. It's already the the third week of school- No. It's going to be Week 4 already. Crap, time is flying by so quickly and it's like I'm not given enough time to breathe.

I feel so satisfied with the way things are. But I know it's going to come to an end soon.

Why why whyyyyyyyyy

Soon everyone will transfer out of this place, and it's going to be my turn then.

Honestly I'd never thought that leaving would be kinda hard.

Especially when I have to witness them walk away first.

Who would be willing to listen to my endless rants and complaints in the middle of the night,

When will I be able to eat the home cooked fried chicken and beef sushi filled with small pieces of cucumber anymore,

Where would I go,

if kum decides to leave after this quarter.

When will I be able to laugh at a certain someone jumping over the patio fence, wearing plain old yellow tee shirt, checkered boxers, with 2 cm fringe combed over to the forehead and wearing old fashioned silver spectacles again,

when will be the next time that we'd eat banana soaked with oil and fried fishballs in the middle of the night while rushing homework,

if remon moves out of glenbrook.

I guess I can't deny the fact that sometimes I take things for granted too.

Even though I know we gotta treasure everything that is happening, but it is human nature to not be aware and appreciate what we have around us.

But seriously,

I will be lost if they are not around.

Can we push back the rewind button, or pause at our favorite moments instead?

Make it last,

I want to make it last.

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?

Can we survive it out there

Can we make it somehow.

I guess I thought that this would never end

And suddenly it's like we're women and men.

Will the past be a shadow that will follow us round

Will these memories fade when I leave this town

As cliche as it may sound, those lyrics fit in my sentiments exactly.

As much as I want to walk away, I can't be certain that I won't miss you.

Even if I might seem ignorant about your well-being,

actually sometimes I still care.

I want to stop hurting people whom I care about.

I am tired from running away, hiding from the true inner voice trapped within.

When I give in too much, it is awful to have to face endless disappointments.

When I get too close, fear takes control.

And so, goodbye for now.

Photos will be uploaded next time, I'm too lazy to transfer them now. Ah.

Before I leave,

THANK YOU MONNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You don't know how you left me speechless with what you did. (minus the unglam photo of me that you hung on the wall wth). HAHA

I want time to come to a standstill.

2008-10-09T12:27:00.005+08:00

Worked from 1.30-6.30PM today.
Halfway through the sessions, I had a sudden urge to empty my bladder. So I ran like someone who has gotten mad cow disease and released the excess fluid aka urea. Felt better after that, but obviously, those long hours of tutoring had cooked my brain till it went dry. I started blabbering nonsense, oops.

Some random pictures from my phone...

Dinner at Simply Thai just now with Barbare & Frans,

Barbara was like, "EH TJUNG DONT TELL ME YOU TOOK A PHOTO OF ME!"
Hungry & rese old man's clean plate uhhhhhhh

My leftover pineapple fried rice heheheheheheheh!!!

Theresia's surprise birthday party!

Kevin's birthday muffins!

Stupid remon's pervert smile

My 7 yr old sister rapping

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAH!

Yah I know. Random pictures. Hoho.

And before I bid this place goodbye...

TA-DA!!!!!!

Presenting to you.......

Greedy remon!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-08T07:57:00.002+08:00

Ahh, finally I can sleep earlier tonight.

Have been caught up with tons of work lately, and because I totally put those books away on Saturday, I had to face a greater nightmare on Sunday and Monday consecutively. Crazy, cramming up those piles of worksheets and pushing deadlines was exhausting. Especially when I got distracted (most of the time) while I'm supposed to be concentrating on school work. HAHA.

But I can't help it, I can't ignore MSN Messenger and SKYPE and my loyal phone.

So yeah, 2 AM for those nights was the price that I paid.

And at last,

I'm done with Econs presentation, Math quiz, Math hw, English book, Tutoring stuff.

HAHA.

Relieved.

These two days had tasted bitterly sweet. Or more like sweetly bitter. HAHA. (There's a difference, man!) :]

Indeed, I slept with a smile plastered on my face these nights. Oh, undescribable sugary sensation. It has been a long while since my soul last visited seventh heaven. Like I was brought over the moon for a few seconds. Sometimes an eyecandy gives you a reason to look forward to school.

HAHA.

I sounded so sick omg. No, I still attend school regularly even when there isn't any eyecandy.

But that's a bonus point isn't it. Muahahaha. So cute~

This is really random but,

1) I'm utterly disgusted by people who fall in love with their good friend's ex.

2) Can't you get a life or find somebody else? Nothing is more pathetic than that.

3) Sometimes I wonder what will happen when you get bored of your partner and likes someone else when you're still with him.

4) I realised that I hate to be bothered (phone calls esp) whenever I have work to do.

5) But strangely, I still reply messages and pick up calls from those whom I favor. So biased please.

6) My theory of: Cute = Kind works. Cute people make the world a happier place.

7) If I don't like certain people, I will always have negative thoughts about them. I can't help it.

8) I hate nosey people who tend to live in a world of their own, thinking that they are the best (or produce the best offsprings). Get a life.

9) I rather stone and stare instead of doing something more productive like studying or going to the gym.

10) When I have insufficient sleep, I will blabber nonsense and become high.

11) I feel sleepy but I don't want to sleep.

12) And why will you like someone who is already attached

13) I think that is sick.

14) I love Jamba Juice!

:] :] :]

Silently, it gets harder to ignore.

2008-10-07T08:50:00.002+08:00

Tjung's Theory 1:

Cute = Kind.

It is 99% accurate ok. Just pick a few examples and see for yourself. I feel like mini Einstein. HAHA.

Anyway I have met all of my tutees for this quarter. 5 students. Ahh, I hope I can get more, and good ones. It's not about the money, it's all about the experience. Hoho, I kinda love my jobbb! :]

Now I'm in love with milk+ cereal.

I feel like as though I'm in heaven whenever I indulge myself in a cup of that.

Yeah, exaggerating. HAHA. You get my point.

OH AND TODAY, TODAY.. TODAYYYYY!!!

I experienced magic.

So cute so cute so cuteeeee!

CUTE = KIND.

Melts.

2008-10-05T04:24:00.000+08:00

So bottle up old love,

and throw it out to the sea.

2008-10-04T18:01:00.002+08:00

Honestly, I really wish I could slack off the entire weekend.

Sleep at late hours, get up at whatever time I like, ignore and forget about the amount of work I gotta clear in these two days.. Ah. If only I can be that ignorant. My weakness is that I care too much, eh? I want to spend my next 24 hours incubating under my blankettttt!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNI LEE!

Was on skype with Anger and Jiani while waiting for Jenny's arrival. Took photos and I look like as if I were already dead. Uh, how depressing. HAHA.

Read another chapter of Fast Food Nation and dozed off for awhile. This is extreme madness, I never fail to fall asleep after reading that book. I wish there's a shortcut. SIGH.

It has been a long while since I waited for anyone.

Back then it was extreme euphoria. There was something to look forward to whenever I turn the laptop on. Every night was filled with anticipation and excitement. Long endless hours of catching up-- it's amazing how we can actually find so many things to talk about. But everything took a U-turn. Now it's nothing but merely cold meaningless chats filled with awkward pauses that seem like eternity. I wonder why everything seemed so great back then. Maybe I was mistaken about my own feelings. Nothing but a string of mistakes. Perhaps this is the side effect- I get bored, I can't be bothered to try to find the silver lining hidden in the clouds anymore. Just let things be like they are, I surrender all to destiny and allow nature to take its course. Too tired to repeat the whole cycle, because I know at the end we get nothing but pain.

I'd rather not taste the sweet, because I don't want to experience the mental torture anymore.

One day it won't hurt anymore, I know.

But I'm numb, senseless, I can't feel the way I did before. Everything seems so superficial, just paper faces on parade.

On the stage of life, you are the actor.

2008-10-03T07:53:00.002+08:00

I can hear the sound of my stomach churning.

I'm craving for Ariake!!!!! Huhuhu.

So delicious right. Omg. My beef teriyaki. My salmon steak. My tempura. Ahhhh I want to eat something nice!!

I sound like a desperate pig. Wth. Ok nvm.

Anyway I had my second tutoring session today.

All went well, except that I came home with a terrible headache after spending three hours at the tutorial centre.

But time passed by so fast, I realised I kinda love teaching. (Except for the explaining twice/ thrice part). HAHAAHAHHAHA.

Now I'm too lazy to start doing my homework.

The weekend's gonna be packed with more and more work.

I can't wait for Saturday because I can wake up at anytime that I want to.

Actually I prefer sleeping to eating now. Good improvement eh. Mwahhaa.

But I haven't been going to the gym. SHIT. I can feel the layers of adipose tissues regenerating again. Oh noooo. Die.

I haven't gone through my accounting and math stuff. Homework accumulating like crazy. Too many things to do. I don't know how to start clearing them. Ahhhh.

If only I'm smart

If only I'm thin

If only I can cook well (AND EAT MY OWN KIMCHI FRIED RICE HA-HA-HA)

If only

If only things could go back to how they used to be

If only...

SIGH.

Sometimes a part of me wants to do something more than just stand aside and watch you struggle to climb up again.

But

I know I can't.

It's not that I don't want to,

but things have changed so drastically that it's better to forget and move on.

All took a 180degrees turn.

So tell me,

are you happy now?

2008-10-02T07:50:00.003+08:00

I know I'm not supposed to be feeling like this but yeah hell, it is awful.

There's no need

for me to explain it explicitly

because obviously

you

know

yes, you should know,

how

betrayed

I feel now.

Insecure, lost, frustrated, irritated,

disappointment,

all mixed into one.

Don't wanna let it accumulate

but what am I supposed to do, it's like as though the whole world belongs to you,

does it?

I hate this, I am so tired.

No, you don't know how I feel. Swallow me then spit me out,

I should've known.

Should've prepared myself for the worst.

Should've known.

you're so self-centered.

I hate to be forced to do things that I don't want.

Pms, period.

2008-10-01T09:28:00.002+08:00

6th day in school and I had my first Math quiz today.

Sad to say, I kinda screwed it up. Damn, how could I forget how to solve such a simple sum. Omgggggg. 1 point lost and there goes the 'A' for the test. I need to study harder.

Anyway tomorrow is going to be my first day of work as a statistics tutor.

I'm excited yet scared at the same time.

What if I can't answer their questions??? What if I forget my stuff?? What if I can't teach well?? What if they don't understand me??? Omgosh will I get firedddddd?!!!!?!?!

T_________T

It's okay. I will just do my best and give whatever I can. I hope everything goes well.

Yes, tomorrow will be a better day.

Muahahahhaha. I decided not to take the Humi16 class (Arts, Culture & Values) because I kept falling asleep while reading the two books. Only finished 1 chapter and I dozed off twice. So I decided to just stick with my Math1A, English1A, Accounting1B, and Macroeconomics for this quarter. I want to invest my time in something else besides studying. (But then I realised that I need to study too in order to tutor). T__T

Studying = Student + Dying

HAHAHAHAA.

OH YES MY MAIN HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY WAS THAT......

I was waiting for Tin-tin's call because we were gonna have lunch together. Meanwhile, I accompanied Kum to the library and figured out that I gotta continue reading my english books for tomorrow. And obvioooously, I fell asleep in the library after only a few pages.

All of a sudden, I woke up. Glanced at my watch and left the library in a haste to pay my school fees.

On the way out of the library, I spotted a familiar figure walking past the Cafetaria.

I spotted his back, and had no chance to confirm if it was really him. Couldn't see the face.

In a moment of curiosity, I followed him from the back. It was like as though he was on the treadmill okay. I had to brisk walk in order to keep up with his pace! In my mind I was like thinking , "DARN! Can you like walk slower?!" I saw that he was walking towards the Bookstore and he had gone in before me.

But alas, I managed to reach the Bookstore just in time and when I entered, he saw me and went,

"HEY! HOW HAVE YOU BEEN MAN!?!?! WHY DID YOU CHANGE ENGLISH CLASS!!!!!??"

Can you guess whom I saw????

No one else besides my...

SUNSHINE!

HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

My spring quarter english class sunshine! Gosh, he is still so cuteeeeeeeeee!!!!! His hair grew thicker, but he is still so charmingggg. HAHAHAHA. We talked for like ten minutes and he said he is currently taking English class at another college. Aww, poor thing. HAHAHA. Gosh!!! SO CUTE SO CUTE SO CUTEEEE! Melts.

HAHAHAHAHA.

It was such a coincidence okay!

I woke up just in time to catch him in school! Can you imagine how cool it was?!!? HAHAHAHA. He only goes to the college on mondays and wednesdays every week. And he was only there to collect his transcript today. HAHAHA.

See!!!!!!

Let fate decide whose paths to cross..

AND I MANAGED TO SQUEEZE INTO THE SAME PATH AS HIM!

HAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(crap I sound like some obsessive compulsive crazy woman)

HAHAHAHAHHA. Omg melts. :) :)

I guess I'll smile to sleep tonight~

2008-09-28T16:24:00.006+08:00

Alright world, after two days of consecutive fun, it's time for work to start.

I gotta carve those resolutions down in my brain. Oh no, so many things to do and yet I've not started. Tomorrow's gonna be hell. Rush hour. Too many things to do and yet so little time.

Save me.

Things to be completed tomorrow:

1) Do Math 1A hw

2) Prepare for Math 1A quiz

3) Acct hw

4) Read Acct

5) Read Econs

6) Read Fast Food Nation & The Jungle

7) Watch Fast Food Nation (if time permits)

8) Sign up for tutorial stuff online

9) Read through tutorial handbook

10) Prepare for Chapter 1,2,3,4 of Math

11) Read Humi 16

12) Do response papers for Humi 16

Oh my gat. I need tons of energy to accomplish all those. This is mad.

Anyway these few days had been filled with fun laughter and joy. (HAHA) Nat and Venza came down from PH to celebrate Theresia's Bday. Had BBQ just now. And games after that. The forfeit was to drink 1 litre of water for each game. Crap. I drank a total of 2 litres, and I felt sick. It seemed as if there was this huge air bubble trapped in my chest, and that my stomach was bloated instantly. Goodness, I hate drinking plain water. Especially if I gotta drink up 1 litre of it within sixty seconds. Ahhh, hell.

But all in all, it was great fun. Reached home at 1.20am and headed straight for the toilet. I hope I don't wake up all wet (from pee). HAHA. No, I won't. I'd just sleep while sitting on the toilet bowl. HAHA what the helllll.

I was already miserable even before I drank that 1 litre of water.

:( :( :(

& Heeeeee. I wore the jacket that the recess gang gave me ~ :D

SEE! I TOLD YOU I WOULD UPLOAD! HAHA

2008-09-27T08:39:00.002+08:00

HAHA I will post the photo of the jacket once I have got the time ok Anger hahahaha cuz I'm like super duper busy with a lot of things now. Grrr.

Yep and so I called my students (WUAHHH HAHA WTH) yesterday to schedule appointments with them. I was on the line with one of them and then suddenly he asked,

"Are you experienced?"

(OMG-LIKE-WHAT-AHH-DIE-DIE-DIE)

I had to answer, "No, I'm new."

Craaaap.

Howtobeagoodtutor.com

Huhu

And I didn't expect being a tutor to be so much of hard work. I had to register for a Tutor Skills class, attend courses for 6 weeks, do homework, essays, and videotapes in order to pass the class. The pay is $10 an hour, ah. It's not about the money, but I really want to gain something from this. I hope everything goes well, I'm looking forward to next week! Mwahahha.

Plus I've got so many things to clear now. Homework, assignments, tests, quizzes.. But I don't feel like starting. Oh noooo.

I'm still the world's biggest procrastinator- Ha, ha.

2008-09-25T13:47:00.002+08:00

This is crazy, I am exhilarated, satisfied, overjoyed.. bla. I don't know the exact word to describe this feeling. It's just that I'm so glad because everything seems so great right now. I love my life, and this is not a lie. Really, it's all because of Him. Thank you Lord.

Job starts next week. I got hired as a Math 10 Statistics tutor.

I am so glad.

2008-09-24T14:05:00.002+08:00

I love my classes!

Because of the instructors teaching them, and also my weekly schedule.

School starts from 8.30AM all the way to 1.20PM everyday from Monday to Thursday.

And on Friday it's gonna be from 9.30AM-10.20AM, 12.30-1.20PM only.

So, should I be happy or what?

Free for the entire day! Wooohoooo, I love my Fall Quarter schedule!

Even though I'm only taking 22 units, compared to the 26.5 units I took last quarter.

Thinking back, I should've just settled with 22.5 back then, shouldn't have added the Arts class. Darn.

Oops, pardon me. I just can't help but resent and have this thing against that class. I need to get over it. Ah.

And also, Kum and I obtained the SSN (social security number) job letter from the Dining Services on Monday. I can't believe it! HAHA. Butttttt we gotta wait till we get the SSN before we can start working at the Cafetaria. Woohoo, I can't wait! That's like the only possible way that I can meet my Ben Choi. HAHAHHAHA. Think about it, there are only 3 ways to get jobs: Cafetaria, Library, Bookstore. Obviously he wouldn't even step a foot into the Bookstore, moreover the Library! But he loves food so when he comes over, I will be able to see him. Uhhhhhh~ I can't wait! HAHA.

(excited)

Let fate decide whose paths to cross.

I don't care, I want to cross his path. Even if I gotta do it by force. HAHA.

Okay, I think my stamina sucks terribly.

On the downside, I'm uncontrollably putting on weight and wearing more of those adipose tissues, developing bulks and chunks of excess meat. Will liposuction end this psychological misery? HAHA.

2008-09-22T13:17:00.002+08:00

Ah, school starts tomorrow.

The weather is getting chilly. I don't feel like attending morning classes. I want to sleep longer. I don't want to have to do homework.

Ah, I realised that I'm not ready to go back to school yet.

My head's spinning, tears filled my eyes uncontrollably.

I am tucking in soon. Soon. Because I feel like typing a little here, heh.

THE THOUGHT OF APPLYING TO UNIVERSITIES STRESS ME UP.

Argghhhhhh, dammmmmmmnnnnnnnn.

Maybe the fault's on my part.

I should've known, I should've guessed,

that all these were gonna end someday.

But never have I expected to have initiated this drastic change of attitude. I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing is left, except for fear that is overwhelming me.

I'd rather lose you than to have anything more than this.

Perhaps I'm just too tired.

Too exhausted to be back on the same old track again. To have experienced a stab once at the back once is already enough. I don't want to repeat the same old mistake.

Victim of circumstances?

I guess not.

2008-09-20T14:03:00.002+08:00

WAIT, before I start blogging,

To Anger, Jiani, Zhiyin, Jenny, Silin:

I WILL BLOG ABOUT THE JACKET OKAY! HAHA, but not now. :)

HEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHE.

Don't kill meeeee~

Anyway.

The past two days spent here in Cupertino is quite tiring, although school hasn't officially started yet.

Looked for the guy in charge of Cafetaria to see if there's any chance that I can obtain a job there, but to no avail. He was too busy to even take a look at me.

Am I that pathetic?!?!?!?!?!?! Daaaammmmn.

And so, Kum, Andree and I have committed ourselves to spend as less money as possible.

We fought over how much we should pay the waitress yesterday when we had dinner at Simply Thai. Guess how much was that amount that we were arguing about?

One dollar.

Yes, $1. WHAT THE HELLLLLL. Cuz the bill was $26, Andree had a plate of chicken fried rice, Kum and I shared a plate of pineapple fried rice. So we had to pay $1 of tips money each but Andree insisted that it was too much or something. Oh my gaaaat.

We took bus 55 to have lunch at In-N-Out and the bus fare was $1.50 each. Andree lacked of 25 cents and after he passed it to the driver, he mumbled, "Gosh. 25 cents is a huge amount of money..."

HAHAHAHAHHAA.

In the end Kum couldn't stand the huge terrible change of attitude aka perspective about SAVING MONEY and she protested,

"OMG YAH WE GOTTA SAVE MONEY BUT NOT TO THIS EXTREME OKAY."

HAHAHAHHA.

Retarded.

The apartment was extremely filthy after being left vacant for a period of time.

A gust of dust swept past our faces when we first opened the door. The carpet was stained black, one centimeter of dust on top of the window panes, dirt that resembled eraser dust was stuck on top of the fan. The washroom was in a mess, the toiletbowl, shower room, bath tub etc. One word to describe: GROSS.

Three days of hard scrubbing and washing, we're still not done yet.

Ah, I miss my maids.

Life is full of challenges- Dirty challenges. HAHAHA.

Yay, shopping tomorrow!

(How about my resolution of saving money? Die.)

Oh, I need helpppppppp.

As time goes by, I still love you.

2008-09-11T11:15:00.003+08:00

When the dog bites
when the bee stings
when I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
and then I don't feel so bad.

Okay, more like: Favourite people perhaps? :D

Gillian: LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!

-prc scholar turns and stares in disgust-

HAHAHAHA!

On the day of graduation,

All: -crying- I miss school.

The day after graduation,

All: Dammit why must come back for physics mock exam???! spoil atmosphere.

HAHAHAHAAHHAHA

memories playing like a film without sound

2008-09-10T10:35:00.002+08:00

When I was young,
I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Sometimes, you tend to be caught up in a world of your own to realise the truth behind every story. Words from foul mouths are not worth trusting. As we climb the ladder of maturity, hidden obstacles will inevitably appear. Cold stares and artificial relationships. Smile but yet hold a dagger in their hands; why would you even want to be beguiled into such situations.

Complicated, that is why I choose to walk away.

Que sera, sera.

Whatever will be, will be.

2008-09-05T23:10:00.002+08:00

Huaaah, I just read Alicia (Alimasatay)'s blog entry and it got me smiling to myself.

Ohhhh, how I missed those days spent in Cedar.

This entry is going to be another meaningless one. A post filled with nostalgia reminiscing about the past once again.
How do I move on if I still treasure every moment that's meant to be history? Huhu.

Anyway. Sometimes I long to have another holiday to be spent in Spore.
Even though I'd felt like those 10 days spent there in July were enough.. but now it seemed like I could've done more. Still haven't met some people and I hope they haven't forgotten about meeee. And perhaps I may not visit the school when I return again next year. The school staff would be sick looking at me if I do drop by. They would be thinking like, eh this person had gone over to USA right, but why is she still loitering around here huh. HAHA. I hope not.

I miss the band!
If only I can watch their SYF next year. Oh no. I miss SYF 07.
Can't believe that our efforts weren't enough for the Gold. I really believed that we held that shiny glimmering medal in our hands. But to realise that it was all nothing but pure imagination. I remember that feeling of satisfaction and the smile of pride plastered on our faces after we'd finished playing the Yiddish Dances. Ms Sia's smile that reassured us of our victory. Everything still seemed fresh in my mind, and of course the tears that rushed down our eyes uncontrollably when reality dawned upon us- we're still going to be a Silver band for another two years. Ah, painful but sweet memories. I miss.
Can't believe that Gillian said I cried like a cow. What the hell.
And Zhiyin's heels that dropped. Mrs Lim actually picked them up for her. HAHA. Shameful. HAHA.

Okay, and those times with the recess ganggggggg!
Just because of 1 pack of ovaltine that cost like about 60cents, Anger and the rest kept banging on the wall of the vending machine, hoping that another extra packet will drop out by accident. HAHAHA. And no, they keep saying that "Jessica's rules only start after she stop breaking them." HAHAHA. Insult me. HAHA. No okkkk! "Yah of course our hair messy lah, we just had mass dance." LOL. And yes sec two timessss! Part and parcel of growing up. Ok wth what kind of simile/metaphor is that?? The Geylang Bahru times.. "What are you doing here?" "Er, go 7-11." "BLUFF." If you know that I'm lying then why do you still ask. What am I supposed to say, "I'm here to see you." HAHAHAHAHA. Crazy. What's the opposite of paedophile? No, I'm not one. HAHA. I will remember for the rest of my life that Jiani betrayed me by shaking hands with ehemehem on 5 October 2005. HAHA. I'm not childish ok, it's just that I've got good memories. Mwaha!

AH, bak chor mee!

And me imitating faces in class. HAHA. Sometimes I really wished that I could've treasured those times better. Now I don't even have teachers coming to class to teach. Everytime the bell rings I gotta pack and run to the other end of the campus for the following class. Sometimes when it rains, we just gotta run without an umbrella. I miss my secondary school dayssss! And those camping times toooo. OAC. Mentos. HAHA. I had mentos during camp, can you believe it. Zzzzz. OAC06, "Is this a dustbin?" "Yes! Obviously this is a dustbin, just that it's inverted." HAHAHAA. Whaaaaat. Luckily I didn't get sacked from being an instructor. Hoho. Plus that dao kathleen kongggg. Keep bullying me. "Doesn't mean that you all have 1 hour to bathe then you can stroll, stroll, stroll." HAHAHA. Crazy. Camp but still as crazy as ever. And LLBBDD. Ah, this time we can't celebrate Weiting's birthday together anymore. And our 2007 new year countdown. You guys were already in 2007 and I was stuck at 2006. Lol.

Now everything has come to an end and everyone's pursuing different dreams.

Memories playing like a film without sound.
I believe secondary school days were one of the best times in my life.
Glad that I do keep a blog. Because then I can read them all over again when I'm feeling bored.

Less than two weeks before I leave for America.
I wanna graduate fast! By 20 years old. Go go goooooo :D

2008-09-04T09:34:00.003+08:00

Thirteen more days till the prolonged journey back to the United States.

Honestly, I do feel that almost similar tinge of hysteria and excitement just like nine months ago because I really wonder what the next quarter is going to be like for me. Just like what kum stated in her blog, I feel downright similar. It was just a few days back when reality struck upon me and that things don't really go the way I want it to. I admit that it was a sudden harsh decision to be determined to take the SAT examination this December. I thought, if I do not register then, I would never have the courage to prepare and sit for it. My inital thought was to just take a glimpse at the website, but my inner self took control of my mind and yes, I am registered for the examination. Actually I don't even need it, but in order to apply to New York University, SAT is mandatory.

And then here I am, stuck in between battles of the mind once more.

Can I even get in?? Why bother to devour unnecessary cash to just prove myself that I am not qualified for the school? It's a silly thing to do isn't it.
But then again the other side of me argues and tries to palliate me by saying,
If I never try, I will never know.

Uh, what an irony.

I know that if I don't apply now, I'd probably never have the same chance to do so. Even if I were going to be rejected, at least I tried. I would have no regrets.
But still,
it takes plenty of courage to face the blow. Just like another round of disappointment. Argh.

Dammit, why can't I just be positive like before?
Must be the super long holiday that blew away my sanity. I really wanna work hard to squeeze into the best school like everyone else but why haven't I started on studying just a little bit of Calculus. Procrastination has been very loyal to me, because it hasn't left me at all.

Oh, and I just gotta say goodbye to USC.
Not even going to try to apply, I don't know. My choices are just going to be University of Washington, New York University, Indiana University, and maybe Texas Austin? Aye, I want to graduate fast so that I can earn big bucks and live a happy and strainless life. Muahaha.

Yes! My red sports car, I'm going to get you babehhh. Another few more years, you gotta wait for meeeeeee!!

On the otherhand, I'm just so fed up of endless rumors and infinite prattling of some frau. I fully understand that you people really have nothing better to do but isn't it senseless to blabber and give false accusations about people you don't even know. Gosh, I am left speechless.

Thank God I don't really care anymore.

Sometimes, you keep assuming that you hold the keys to the locked up doors that holds the path to the exit. Your efforts to ruin and wreck everything would be proved worthless this time round. After a few months of peaceful solace, I hope I am already spared from those nonsense in the next few months to go. I don't want to lose you, but you have made me think that you're nothing but a liability. Like crabs trying to pull one another down into the well, you think I value and treasure crabs? Now you're so damn wrong.
Uh, so bottle up old love, and throw it out to the sea.

Paper hearts won't bleed.

Scars remain to serve as a mental note of the pain we felt.
Including mental scars.

Uaaaah, this is random but I miss my secondary two days. ):

2008-08-31T19:07:00.002+08:00

Back from Bandung!

Ate and ate like crazy. Gained 1 kg omg I can't believe ittttttt. I lost 1 kg through long and tough period of four days filled with never ending trips to the washroom due to diarrhoea and I actually gained those adipose tissues back only by a 1.5 day trip out of town. Crazy. My metabolism is worse than a pig's! T_T

Went no where but places to eat. Mad. Regret regret regret.
Not like I need anymore kilos!!

Alright, I'm kinda happy but disappointed also.
Huhu. Why didn't it come. Maybe it will, soon. But whennnnn!
):

Sometimes those sentiments just seem to strike once more.
The same tinge, that shivers down my spine.
Adrenaline surging through the vein, the heart palpitating.
I think I'm going crazy.
But this time it's different because those memories with you are only filled with superficial happiness, a temporary period of trust, and fake smiles.
So plastic.

The betrayals, the backstabbing, the disappointment.
We're worth no more than that.

Honestly, I'm happy at where we land up now, at where we are.
Because the road ahead holds different dreams for you and me.

2008-08-29T20:52:00.002+08:00

Ah, a few more hours through the night and then I'll be off to Bandung.
I hope it'll be fun. I'm kinda looking forward to the eating part, muahaha.
Yeah, you are what you eat. That explains why I'm of this size = corpulent and stout. Huhu

Sometimes I wish I were someone else.

Anyway, gravity overcame my determined self to choose bed over computer.
Once again I'm regretting for not being able to stay online until till like at least, 12am?
I can't stay up late anymore, how embarrassing.
Ah, I miss the late night chats.

Oh they had the celebration stuff today. How I wish I could be back at Cedar.

And Happy Teachers' Day, Panda aka Mountain tortoise (HAHA)
if you happen to come across this. :D

2008-08-28T21:34:00.002+08:00

Like another soul searching session.
Honestly I don't have anything particular to blog about. Faintlessly nothing. But rather than just straining two eyes, staring blankly into the screen with a thousand megapixels printed on it, I'd rather invest my time into blogging once again. It seems like I'm losing interest in this place. Yes I admit I do want to blog often but I just think that there's nothing for me to blog about. So this is the bare truth about my life now. I feel like I've got a lot of things to say, but when I really get down to it, nothing relevant comes out.

Why am I even online.

I can't deny anymore about how much I really want that.
Sometimes it feels hopeless, as though I can't even see my own hands when you ask me to search for the faintest light at the other end of the tunnel.

But the voice inside whispers that if I never try, Ill never know.

It's pointless holding on to the string of memories that we hold in our hands. Photos and words stuffed in an old wooden drawer that is being put aside for the longest period of time. Soon it will be covered up with spiderwebs and a thick layer of dust. Maybe we'll even forget them in due time. Pointless? But in the darkest corner of my heart, a part of me still misses you as much as before. They say we don't know how to appreciate things till they're gone. I admit I am one of those. I still regret.

Hey, know what.

Actually I do hate waiting.

2008-08-28T10:25:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGER ANG WEI EN!!!!!

Ahya! Dammit. I should've gone online yesterday night at 11pm. I had a strong feeling somemore. But I resisted the temptation.
Ahhhhh. If only.

T_______________________________T

Ok yuk bye.

For a msn emoticon, I would describe this feeling to be like= (U)

Huhu

2008-08-24T17:22:00.002+08:00

Huaaaah ANGER ANGGGG DON'T ANYHOW BULLSHIT OK!
HAHA, this is world wide web dammit. Ex-boyfriend as iffffffffffffff ;p

Yes, I can't believe it's the 24th August today. Omgattt.

8 more days.

Heeeeeeeeeeeee, miss them. Miss them. Miss them. :D

Oh, 5 more days to Bandung.
Stupid kumzi doesn't wanna go. Hufffff.

Eh, ya I've got something to blog about. Like finally. HAHA.

I was reading my favourite Doraemon comic, when suddenly my 7 yr old sister went,
"Sis, you make love?"

I went like, HUAAAH!??!?! WHAT!??!?!?! MAKE WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!
In my mind I was thinking, how did a 7 yr old girl know what is the meaning of 'make love'!?!?

So calmly, I said, "Ha, make what? Where?"
(Honestly I can't believe I asked her the question 'Where'. omg)

Then she pointed her index finger towards nmy book and answered, "See, there's this heart shape thing on your comic book."

Phew,
I then heaved a sigh of relief.
Oh, so she meant-> Make HEART (the heart shape thing), not make LOVE.

I swear I nearly fainted.

2008-08-17T11:08:00.003+08:00

Huaaaaaaaah!

Hello hello again everybody.
I know I have been missing in action for a short while. HAHA. But trust me, it isn't entirely my fault. My comp broke down. And then my internet became irritatingly annoying so I decided that I would rather play traditional games like LUDO and CHESS instead of going online. I succeeded ehh huahuahuahaaa. I realised I can live without internet anyway. Ya right. Huuuu, I officially hate the internet connection here.

Exactly one month to go before I say hello once again to Cupertino and De Anza College.

Kinda excited to go back there, approximately another three more quarters to go before I transfer off to another state. (hopefully) I hope everything goes on well. I don't like disappointments.

I don't mind a long holiday too. Haha but this is getting ultimately boring. The emptiness is killing me, drilling into my bones and eating into my flesh. (exaggerated) HAHA. But really, I'm too lazy to go out that's why. With the traffic jam and all, I rather rot at home eating Coldstone ice cream and then doze off when I feel full. Yeah I'm a certified pig. Ah, two more weeks and we're heading to Bandung. I hope it will be fun, the eating trips and all. Guilty indulgence, but I like. HAHA.

Perhaps I shoud've stayed for Summer class? Aye.

Because honestly I don't think I deserve such a long break. Yadayada. If I continue typing, I'll irritate myself because I'd be reminded of that awful incident. Ok, let the past go. Shut Up and Move On = S.U.M.O wahuhahauha.

If I were to say that I feel nothing, I'd be lying through my teeth.

Why did you change so fast, faster than Japan's bullet train ok.
I still miss youuuu. But you don't even know.
Ah, fate played such a cruel trick on us. No, me. Huuuuuuhu.
I don't even think you care anymoreeeeeeee.
When I think back, I know it's my fault. I was the one being too ignorant. And now, after so long,
I still miss you all the same.

Ahhhhhh.

It's ok. I hope you're happy anyway. Finding Nemo.

Ciau!

2008-08-05T15:49:00.002+08:00

Guess what I did yesterday.

I

had

a

pedicure.

LIKE WHOAAHH??? WHAT?????

I HAD A PEDICURE, dammit.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Omg like can you believe it. JAT had her very first pedicure in her seventeen years of age. Omg. It should either be a miracle or just a mystery. HAHAHAH. No, the truth is that: My mom forced me to have it because she commented that I have disgusting feet. Uhhhrrrllllll. It was not of my own will (I would never want a pedicure ok HAHA).

And anywayyy. I have 1.5 months left till I'm being thrown back into America. Oh no, I have not started on anything productive (except for fulfilling my cravings and desires for this that this that). I wanted to get Japanese tuition but no tuition centre would accept me after my introduction of "Moshi moshi. Toyota, mitsubishi, honda, wasabi?" Ok I didn't mean it, HAHA. Couldn't get Jap tuition because I gotta be enrolled for at least 3 months but I only have for 2 months of hol? Yeah you get the point. And my driving license is not done because my indonesian I/C is not out yet. Uhhhhh. My slim-down-plan also failed because obviously I ate so much food and that led to input>output, thus another few pounds gained OHMYGATTTT.

Dieeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

But it's ok, maybe my diet plan will only work in US. HAHAHAHA. Yeah right.

Oh yes I dreamt that I forgot to attend class. Panics.

I'm also sad because my crush (the one from my English class) will not be in the same class as me next quarter because he said he couldn't wake up in time for class. (that class starts at 9.30am by the way). -_-

Hu hu huuuuuuuu.

I miss xxx. Sigh sigh sigh when will you come online :(

2008-07-25T10:48:00.002+08:00

This was never the way I planned it
It was never my intention

Anyway it has been awhile since I last blogged. So I guess I'm in the mood to type something now, ha.

Days flew so quickly as I'm spending time in Indo. Nothing significant happened, I'm hooked to playing games in both the computer and the wii thingy. Obsessed and stuck at the Operation game, I'm a qualified surgeon now ok. Believe it or not. HAHAHA. Just that the patient has to be revived a lot of times, but operation successful what. HAHHA loseeeer.

Two days ago I told my mom that I'm going to name my son 'Fernando Jose' and my daughter 'Maria Mercedez' and then my 6 yr old sis went,
"I'm going to name my son Naruto."

Faints.

Yeah out of boredom, I looked through blog archives and chat logs.
How I miss those days,
Sigh. I guess good things always come to an end.

Also, I flipped through the 2007 yearbook and all the presents/cards/letters that many gave. Shyyyyyt, I want to rewind back to those days. Mole eh, sharron ong. HAHAHAHA. And lzy is a bee, or a fat worm HAHAHA see la, cry during orientation somemore, stand up when rg asked for the PAL rep HAHHA blur sotong. WTHHHH RIGHT. "Flasher?"-> Someone's stupid reaction HAHAHAHA, "Yes, yes I know. Part and parcel of growing up" shit ok throw face. Of course kathleen kong's long long letter during graduation made me laugh to myself. HAHAHA. "Can you please get over him? Yes, I know you want to get on top of him." HAHAHA WHAT THE HELL BIAN TAI. HAHA and wth you keep PS-ing me!!!!! -_- Plus, I DONT WEAR A WIG OK HAHA DAMMIT LA. Omgoshhhh there are still many many moreeeee stuff and that's why I think Cedar has been one of the best things that happened to me so far!

I can't believe I used to be so lame. HAHA. I've improved a lot ok, so matured now. (clears throat)

Mr Ong clicked me on MSN a few days back and I told him to come down to Indonesia and try the seafood here. He then replied, "Yes we will go there for your wedding next time." HAHAHAH omgosh it's still a longlonglong time ok. But wait, nobody wants me. Hu hu hu..

Ohh and another happy thing is that I got the classes that I wanted. YES!! Happy!
I hope my lousy disgusting GPA can be pulled up to around 3.85 by the end of Fall quarter. So when I apply to universities, I won't be stuck with the qwerutyuetyuxzxzxz 3.74 grade. Oh no, gotta work my ass off next quarter. Means I gotta play even harder this holiday. HAHA.

It felt so wrong yet it felt so right
No, not anymore.

Because we take each other for granted till the extent that,
it was difficult to get away. Yes, is this then the right time.
Should've never crossed the line, wrong signal sent. A big mistake.

Sometimes we just gotta surrender everything to God. Our best plan may not be the right plan that He has for us. At times I keep blaming myself because I can't seem to get the things that I want even though I'd put in 101% for it. But no, everything happens for a reason. I'll just do my best and leave it up to Him.

Late nights trigger for the brain juice to flow and for the heart to think.

Anyway I miss playing with the band!!!!!!!! Yes, for current CSB band members who are reading this, jia you for next year's SYF okay! The conductors have a lot of faith in you all, and Ms Sia told me, "Eh, your juniors this time not bad ah. Gold with distinction with 87.8%!" See! The conductors are so proud of the band. Muahahaha! But of course, the main thing is that everyone has to work together as one, and the leaders gotta be the most united group ever in order to form a strong team to bring the band forward. (Oh yes I miss our tauhuey times, and Gillian's "LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!", "What an irritating bunch!" HAHAHA. Wanning's "Eh, give me the kiss (keys)".. Thilanga's fit. HAHAHA. Oh nooooo, when are we going to have a steamboat reunion again!? HAHA.)

Enough said, and if I do have the chance, I would want to tell a certain someone that sometimes it's better if you accept what's given to you, move on and do your task well. One year is a short period of time, isn't it better to do your best instead of assuming that you should be the one there. No one is perfect, and it's never a one-man show to work towards success. Without team work and unity, everything would just go to waste. Create wonderful and unforgettable memories, and start believing that this is the best decision for everybody. You are chosen for a reason, and please don't disappoint those who have faith in you. Even though we're no longer part of this, we know.

No offence to anybody. Just want to state down my opinion, ha.

Alright, I can hear the plate of fried rice calling my name from downstairs. Goodbye!

2008-07-17T21:27:00.001+08:00

I don't know why I'm on this page but I really have nothing to blog about.

Oh yes, my 6 yr old sis just created an email account + msn messenger.
She created her own password and refused to show anyone ok. Omg children nowadays.
Plus, she snatched the comp from me to watch Naruto on youtube. ARGH!

HAHA

On the otherhand, I miss you a lot.

2008-07-17T13:31:00.002+08:00

I left sgp and gained 3 kg in total. Omg, now I'm going to suffer trying to shed all the excess adipose tissues while fulfilling my cravings at the same time. HAHA

Ok mon ster if you're reading this, HELP KUM AND I PAY THE PG&E BILLS FIRST EHHHH. I'm too lazy to take out the card from my wallet and pay. HAHA cuz muscleache. (bad excuse) THANK YOU MONNNNNNN. HUAHUAHAUHAUA

I realised that I miss so many people in Sgp badly. I've been dreaming of them lately, like twice in two days? Beat that.

And lzy, how dare you sit in his car! Wanna die is it. (gives the face) HAHAHAHAHA.

Okay that was a dream, but it seemed so real okay omg!

Now I'm feeling kinda happy and relieved because my registration date is on 23 July instead of 30 July! Yay. I hope I can get classes I want and not get lousy and difficult teachers instead.

Sometimes I miss you but I keep telling myself that this is the only time to undo the mistake I'd made.
Let time erase whom we used to be.

2008-07-15T00:45:00.003+08:00

Firstly, I wna say:
CONGRATS TO CSB FOR THAT GOLD WITH DISTINCTION!!!!!!!

Jiayou for SYF09 alright! We believe that you all can get that long awaited Gold! :D
Everyone's proud of the band! The conductors were overwhelmed with joy hoho.

Okay it is 12.46am 15 July now. I am supposed to be sleeping because apparently I have not packed for tomorrow's flight. Oh no, and I gotta leave the house at 8.30AM because my flight's at 10AM. Crappppp. But I have not been blogging and suddenly I have this urge to type here. No, I am not sleepy yet! Muahahaha.

My stay in Sgp for the past 9 days had been great. I shall try to recall whatever that happened for the past few days. Hm.

4 July: Stayover at Anger's

5 July: Went out with the Recess Gang to town

6 July: IMM with lzy, visited Mr Ong & Ms Sia

7 July: Ice skating, Newton Circus, Met up with 4i

8 July: Stoned at home -.-

9 July: Cedar with lzy, visited the band, talked to mrs loy, boon tong kee, AMK (:

10 July: Cedar with gillian & jenny, talked to the rest of the teachers, Dinner at Swensens w LLBBDD!

11 July: Stoned at home, dinner with uncle auntie

12 July: NBC

13 July: Lunch at Anger's, Dinner at Outback Steakhouse

14 July: Cedar for awhile, Exguardian's place, Met tutor, Dinner at KAP

15 July: Indo!

OKAY. SUMMARY. SHORT AND SWEET RIGHT. HAHA!

Anyway. I think 10 days in Sgp is just nice, not too long and not too short. (Although my parents think that I shouldn't have stayed for such a long time) Yes, I spent like $500 in total ok omg die. My budget was only $300, craaaap. It's okay, I will be grounded in Indo I suppose. But my only regret here is that I didn't get to sit down and talk with Dainese! So sad okay, I was so looking forward to catching up with himmmmmm! But yet he was too busy to have time for me. Eeeee. ):

I'd transferred a few files from my ex-comp to my laptop. And that includes the MSN Chats that I used to have from 2005. Omg, I laughed like crazy when I read some of them okay. Yes I realised _ was so mean to me last time! Eee but at least not anymore. Hoho. Yes, Leow zhiyin aka levina? HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHA. Why you never do work! HAHAHA.

Was reading the chat logs and I laughed my butt off. Here are some of them:

(3:54 PM) ANGERR` (::	what is GB?
(3:54 PM) ANGERR` (::	haha
(3:54 PM) ANGERR` (::	i know GV
(3:54 PM) ANGERR` (::	golden village
(3:54 PM) ANGERR` (::	but i dont know GB
(3:54 PM) ANGERR` (::	golden backside?
(3:54 PM) ANGERR` (::	HAHAHAHAHA
(3:54 PM) jessica!ت:	WTH
(3:54 PM) jessica!ت:	GEYLANG BAHRU
(3:54 PM) jessica!ت:	HAHAHAHAHAHA
(3:54 PM) jessica!ت:	ass
(3:54 PM) ANGERR` (::	CHEH!
(3:54 PM) ANGERR` (::	HHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA
(3:54 PM) ANGERR` (::	SIAO! no!

-.- Still the same right. So mean.

(9:18 PM) ANGERR` (::	zhen de is a super sad song
(9:18 PM) jessica!ت:	WTH WTH
(9:18 PM) jessica!ت:	ZHEN DE
(9:18 PM) jessica!ت:	nan dao shi JIA DE?!

(9:20 PM) jessica!ت:	i taking 100 bucks fr tecahers day present
(9:20 PM) jessica!ت:	teachers*
(9:21 PM) ANGERR` (::	HAHAHAHA
(9:21 PM) ANGERR` (::	i taking 5 dollars
(9:21 PM) ANGERR` (::	giving 5 tchers
(9:21 PM) ANGERR` (::	buy from one dolars shoo
(9:21 PM) ANGERR` (::	HAHA
(9:21 PM) ANGERR` (::	its the thought that counts

Still as cheapskate as ever -.-

(6:52 PM) anger ♥:	he your husband
(6:52 PM) anger ♥:	i not your friend
(6:52 PM) anger ♥:	HHAHAHAHA
(6:52 PM) anger ♥:	you choose friend or husband?
(6:53 PM) Chemistry.:	whr got such thing one
(6:53 PM) Chemistry.:	HAHAHAHAHA
(6:53 PM) anger ♥:	got!
(6:53 PM) Chemistry.:	if you are skinny, you are not my friend
(6:53 PM) Chemistry.:	you choose skinny or choose friend?
(6:53 PM) Chemistry.:	HAHAHAHA
(6:53 PM) anger ♥:	skinny
(6:53 PM) anger ♥:	HAHAHAHAHA
(6:53 PM) anger ♥:	-__
(6:53 PM) Chemistry.:	GND

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

and then there's...

(9:22 PM) zzingy.lacy.zhiyin:	what you doing for vday
(9:22 PM) Freylachs:
(9:23 PM) Freylachs:	something
(9:23 PM) Freylachs:	HAHAHA (((:
(9:23 PM) zzingy.lacy.zhiyin:	i think mine very lame leh HAHAHA
(9:28 PM) Freylachs:	what makes you think mine isnt
(9:28 PM) Freylachs:	HAHAHA
(9:37 PM) zzingy.lacy.zhiyin:	tsk then lame together lo
(9:37 PM) zzingy.lacy.zhiyin:	i want a rose
(9:40 PM) zzingy.lacy.zhiyin:	nono that was my sis hahaha

-.- EXCUSES!

(11:31 PM) The Yiddish Heartbeat- Kathlee:	eason chen rocks
(11:31 PM) zzingy.lacy.zhiyin [coughs]:	-____-
(11:31 PM) zzingy.lacy.zhiyin [coughs]:	no
(11:31 PM) The Yiddish Heartbeat- Kathlee:	yes
(11:31 PM) zzingy.lacy.zhiyin [coughs]:	noooo britney spears rocks
(11:32 PM) The Yiddish Heartbeat- Kathlee:	YCUKS
(11:32 PM) The Yiddish Heartbeat- Kathlee:	yaya
(11:32 PM) The Yiddish Heartbeat- Kathlee:	slave for lichu
(11:32 PM) The Yiddish Heartbeat- Kathlee:	AHAH
(11:32 PM) zzingy.lacy.zhiyin [coughs]:	eeeeeee
(11:33 PM) The Yiddish Heartbeat- Kathlee:	u
(11:33 PM) The Yiddish Heartbeat- Kathlee:	SHIVERS
(11:33 PM) The Yiddish Heartbeat- Kathlee:	HAHAHAHAHA
(11:35 PM) zzingy.lacy.zhiyin [coughs]:	wth

SEE! SO SCANDALOUS. OMG.

(9:21 PM) jessica'- We never forget thos:	YOOO
(9:22 PM) zzingy [day 7:	YO
(9:22 PM) zzingy [day 7:	haha
(9:22 PM) jessica'- We never forget thos:	HAHAHAHA
(9:22 PM) jessica'- We never forget thos:	what kind of dp is tt
(9:22 PM) zzingy [day 7:	huge turkey leg
(9:22 PM) zzingy [day 7:	HAHA

YUCKSSSSSS

Okay I feel sleepy now. Will be back with more lame chats next time. HAHAHA

2008-07-12T15:21:00.002+08:00

2nd National Band Competition:

Reached at 8.25am and as usual, Zhiyin was late by 20 mins or so. Called Mr Ong and he told us to find him upstairs. They were asking for our tickets but Mr Ong simply went like, "They don't need tickets, they are from America" And showed us the way in. HAHAHAHA super zai ok! Then we sat down and watched the primary school bands perform and stayed till cedar finished their Merry Widow.

Yep, the band did well! We all said that it was well done, but because we're not professionals, we don't really know how to spot the mistakes. Under The Double Eagle brought back lots of memories- the crescendo and all. The bass part was grand! Muahahhaa, and the Merry Widow was awesome! The different sections sounded together and the dynamic etc was well played. It was a great performance overall, but maybe it could've been better if the band could smile more. Hahaha they looked nervous and tensed up. I then started recalling the times in which we'd performed as a band, playing Yiddish Dances over and over again. Especially the last few band practices in which everyone was tensed up, stressed about the Gold, and then Ms Sia and Mr Ong would encourage + scold us at the same time. But Mr Ong emphasized on the Old Hundredth most because he believed that the band would be blessed by it. HAHA. I miss those times, and the band's performance this morning caused me to think back and I then became nostalgic. Ah. My tuba- oh nooooo. And I would never forget last year's SYF, we played really well and even if we were told to play a second time, I think we had already played our best. Disappointed, but no regrets. I love CSB, I really do. It's sad that I won't be able to watch them play for next year's SYF, but I believe with the amount of hard work they are willing to put in, the Gold is reachable.

Yes, I really miss playing Yiddish Dances. But I miss playing with the band the most, being conducted under one of the best conductors- Ms Sia, and the countless experiences we had. The tension, the pressure, the tears and laughters. I'd do anything to relieve those moments. Once in a lifetime experience ok oh noooo I really miss being part of the banddddddddddd. Oh nooooooo HAHA I'm tempted to read my blog archives! AHHHH. I miss Yiddish Dances!! D:

During the performance I suddenly recalled something. So I turned to Zhiyin and asked,

"Eh, that time our NBC someone dropped something is it?"

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA and Zhiyin gave me the -_- look and said, "DONT REMIND ME YOU ASS. IT WAS ME."

HAHAHAHAHAHAH oooops sorry HAHAHAHAHAH.

Okay so Jenny, Zhiyin and I left to Plaza Sing and ate at Swensens! Spent $15 each T_T but we ate goooooood food! We then ate somemore of other things and now I feel bloated and broke. Hu hu. HAHA we gossiped and recalled the funny experiences we used to have in Cedar. Thk and his 'part and parcel of growing up' HAHAHHAHA. Omggggggg. HAHAHAAHA

I MISS CEDAR AND BAND AND EVERYTHING.

Because Cedar has been one of the best things that happened to me so far. :)

2008-07-11T22:08:00.000+08:00

I want to eat a cup of strawberry sundae ice cream from Boon Keng Macs.

:-)

2008-07-11T00:36:00.004+08:00

Gillian was late for forty-five minutes today. She then took a cab and met me at Cedar. Ha.

Talked to Ms Angelina Tan first. We stood outside the HOD staff room and talked for quite awhile. Hmmm, it was really great to be able to know so much about her and that we'd kept in contact actually because I wasn't really close to her during the days in Cedar. I remember that I'd always avoided her because I'd never handed in Biology homework. Oops. Haha, but yeah she's nice! After that she helped to call Mr Goh out and he still looks like same! That same grey shirt, that same dislike towards green things. HAHA. We were talking about a lot of things, and then I passed him the stuff that I bought from the States. I was so embarrassed to give him that ugly plastic bag ok, and Gillian made him super curious. So obviously he couldn't contain his curiosity and wanted to hurry see what's inside the plastic bag. HAHA. He left, and we then talked to Mr Chia. While talking to Mr Chia, Mr Goh came out, and gave me the grin and did funny actions. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! But I'm really glad that he liked the gift! I searched all over Los Angeles to get it for him okay, HAHA! Andddddd, Mr Chia was at a loss of words and green with envy when I told him about teachers in America vs teachers in Singapore. Hoho.

But overall I'm really glad to be able to catch up with them. I really treasure those days that I'd spent in Cedar, and it was really a pleasure to be able to get teachers like them. I don't know why but I just hope that we would still keep in contact always, regardless of how many years I'd spent away from Sgp and cedar. Because they'd impacted my secondary school life, and I'm grateful for that. Especially those encouragements that Mr Goh gave even after I'd gotten F9 for Physics. Okay I shall not be long winded and keep those words for myself. Muahahaha, I miss those days!

Went for dinner with LLBBDD. Shall blog about it tmr morning. Because I'm too lazy to upload photos now muahahahaha!

Oh yes we went to visit the band today too. It's the last practice before their NBC I think, but we didn't get to listen to them play!

But no matter what, I still have faith in Cedar Symphonic Band even though I'm no longer a part of it. Being able to know that the juniors have improved ever since we had stepped down was a huge relief. This gives us a sense of comfort and lets us know that we'd passed down the band to the right people, and I trust that the new batch of leaders would eventually bring the band to greater heights and will lead them towards that Gold. Even though I don't feel the same sense of familiarity to the band like before, I still want to see the band do well. Merry Widow is definitely not an easy piece, but seeing that they have mastered it has already proved that they have the ability to do well. I'd never regretted extending my stay in Singapore if I can watch the band just one more time. Watch them in action, watch them perform that piece on stage. No matter what, being in the band has changed my life, and I'm sure that they will make everyone proud on Saturday. For the band members who are reading this, remember that it's not that Gold that matters most, but the most important thing is to play your best and enjoy the music that you make. Give it your all, and you will eventually shine. One band, one sound, one heart. Give one another support, and trust in yourselves that you will make the most out of that few minutes on stage. NBC is just like SYF rehearsal, the same gush of emotions, the same nervousness and anticipation. You have all come so far together, give saturday your best shot. All things are possible, don't let the thought of getting a gold pressurize and stop you from enjoying yourself on stage.

Jiayou, CSB! :D

2008-07-10T11:35:00.002+08:00

I had the best Wednesday ever. Still can't stop grinning omg.

Anyway

Final grades are out

And so far,

Business 10: A+

Math 10: A

Ewrt 100, 101: Pass

Read 100, 101: Pass

Econ 2: A+

Astro 4: A+

Acctg 1A: A+

Hist 17C: A

Arts 2B: C

So my GPA is now: 3.742

I've tried to move on but each time I think about it again, it feels like a stab at the back. Maybe it is just like what T said, I shot myself with my own revolver. It isn't easy to accept this, and it does hurt, because I know I studied and I should have gotten an A. I've learnt a lesson from this.

Yeah I seem like a total loser who just can't get over the fact that I'd gotten a C but you don't know how it feels.

And so people go on saying "It's only a C!" or "But you're so smart!" yeah yeah whatever smart people don't get a C for an easy subject dammit. So just shut up, keep those sarcastic comments to yourself and let me continue and fix my academic life peacefully on my own.

Nothing but Liabilities.

I have cried tears of frustration but obviously it didn't do any help.

Was I dragged down

2008-07-10T01:21:00.003+08:00

Okay so Zhiyin and I went back to Cedar today.

We were supposed to meet at 1.40PM at Kallang Mrt but the sun was too hot so I gave up and cabbed to Kallang MRT to fetch Zhiyin. SEE I AM SO NICE. HAHAHAHAH. Reached there and saw a few familiar faces like Jialing etc. Went to visit the band and I really like the band room! So spacious and niceeeeee! The decorations and stuff were really cool, plus the sec ones greeted us immediately when we entered the room. The band also. Gosh, I feel old. HAHA but their reactions were super fast. Impressive eh! Compared to our times... (Why am I making it seem like as though I'm so old. -.-)

So yep, we felt awkward and decided to look for the teachers first.

Hm, let me recall. We talked to quite a lot of teachers actually. Chatted with Mrs Chia, Mdm Lum, Ms Quek, Mrs Loy, Mrs Chiaw, Ms Begam, Ms Wan, Mrs Tan... Yeah. But we talked for a long time with Mrs Loy! Told her about the incident and she said I lacked in character. Eee no okay I'm just too nice HAHAHAHAHA. Anyway it was so good to see all of them, even though I have not met so many more. Like Mr Goh and Mr Chia and Mr Chan!!!!!!!! -_- He's like forever so busy okaaaaay! Hahahaha. Going back Cedar again tomorrow, to collect Olvls cert and to chat with Ms Angelina Tan and the rest. Muahahahahaha. I miss those Cedar days! And I'm surprised that many teachers still remember who I am! Not for the wrong reasons I hope. :X

Can't wait for Sat's NBC! Their Merry Widow was great! I miss Yiddish Dances.

Okay so at around 5 plus, Zhiyin and I took bus 61 to Bukit Batok. Jenny and Anger were complaining about how hungry they were blablabla and Anger told me to take cab. So, when I reached Bukit Timah, I stopped to take a cab. Eventually the area was only a 3 mins walk to Boon Tong Kee and the driver's reaction was, "Ha? Which Boon Tong Kee? The nearest one is only a walking distance eh." -_- WTHHHHH. Wasted four dollars ok wth stupid Anger. Luckily she paid for the taxi fare HAHAHAHA.

Boon Tong Kee was awesome!
They made me pay for the most expensive dish. Damn it. I had to pay $20 while they paid $8 each. Bully me.

Pictures time!!!

Fried Tofu.... Yummy!
The most expensive dish... I think it's called crab something. Not even that nice. HAHAHAHAAHA I was forced to pay for this!!!! T__T

The best chicken ever omgggg.
I can actually dream of this chicken back in the United States!

The crazy woman who forced me to pay $20 HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
She is going to kill me for this.

Group photo!!

Yep!

And I treated Leow Zhi Yin (aka levina) to YOGURT at AMK. HAHAHAHA!
I should've changed! Damn. And my screwed up hair couldn't be fixed!

Okay and the rest of the details will not be revealed.

Good night people!

2008-07-07T21:12:00.006+08:00

Part 1:

Went over to Jurong East to ice skate! Paid $15 each and we could skate for as long as we wanted but I fell down HARD on my butt and was too lazy to stay longer. HAHA. Jenny fell 8 times -_- and Jiani was so afraid to skate by her own. Anger was obsessed with skating and she stole my $3 gloves from me. So mean. She should just keep her durian gloves ok.

HAHAHAHAHAHHA. Yeah and there were 2 guys who keep showing off their skating skills and one of them almost fell. (serves him right dammit! show off somemore.) HAHAHA.

Part 2:

Left Jurong East and met Sarahj and gang at City Hall. I thought there would be a lot of people but in the end I spotted Sarahj, Esther, Zhiyun and Muhaina at the escalator. Waved and shouted like crazy but no one could see me. They then exclaimed and commented on my everything: Hair (especially), height, etc etc etc. OH YES AND WANNING & ALICIA WERE THERE TOO! Sexy ah you all. AHAHAHAHAHHA. Met a lot of people at Marina Square!!! We bumped into Mrs Lim and Zhiyun was like, "EH!! THATS THE LIM LIM LIM!!!!! SS GODDESS!" and then I ran after her. HAHAHA. Met germaine, wang lao shi and yu lao shi too! Mwahahhaha what a small world. (small world, or a BIG me? AHAHAHA)

Watched the four of them eat at Seoul Garden and the person n charge tricked me into buying $3.50 drink. Dammit. Abby, Lichu, Adel, Nish, Sher then joined us. Took photos and I made Sarahj ask random people for help HAHAHAHA. Commander what. HAHAHAHAHA. Ya and she was flirting with so many malay guys omgggg SARAHJJJJJ! AHHAAHAHAHHA

Took somemore photos and then I left for my stingray. HAHAHAHAHAH

Part 3:

Reached Newton Circus and ordered delicious food like stingray, chicken wings, satays, hokkien mee etc HAHAHAHAH so delicioussssssss. Anger was obsessed with the stingray and she ate everything up. Jiani loved the chicken wings. I LOVE SATAYS. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Zhiyin was busy messaging her BF (who already has a GF). Tsk tsk.

Couldn't take photo of the Hokkien Mee and Stingray because my hands were dirty by the time the dishes were being served to us. HAHAHAHA. Nice dinner. I felt full and satisfied. HAHAHAHAH.

Yes. We then camwhored at the bus stop nearby. HAAHAHAHAHA. Idiiiooooot. HAHAHAHA.

Okay I'm so tired and sleepy. Oh no. Suddenly I am hesitating about tomorrow's plan because many people made me have doubts about it wth. -.-

2008-07-06T22:19:00.002+08:00

Today:

Was supposed to meet thk but got postponed because I had something on and he had to send his friend off to korea tonight. HAHA.

So I went over to Jurong IMM BAND WORLD to find Mr Ong and Ms Sia together with Leow Zhi Yin. HAHAHA. Yeah she didn't believe that the shop was situated at some ulu area and when we finally found it, I made Zhiyin go in first because I was feeling kinda nervous -_-. Then stupidly, Zhiyin peeked in and stick her head inside first and said "Hello." HAHAHAHAHAHA WTHHHHHHHHH.

Mr Ong fed us with a lot of food omg. Like food from all around the world!!! He bought us chicken rice for lunch and Ms Sia made coffee! Was chatting about some band politics and they had to attend to some customers. So we stoned and laughed about random things. HAHAHA. After awhile Mr Ong brought over sweets, chocolates and tidbits. Like every ten minutes he would bring food for us. HAHAHAHAHA. Afterwards we had dinner together at IMM. Mr Ong treated us to local food like Rojak, Curry and Laksa!!!!!!! YUMMYYYYYY! HAHAHAHA.

:) :) :) :)

Yes! Mr Ong and Ms Sia are such nice people!!! The band should really treasure them okay! HAHAHAHA. I can't believe Zhiyin and I stayed from 3pm all the way till 8pm today. Chatted and laughed like crazy. Mr Ong and his Old Hundredth hymn tune. HAHAHA. Their stories on the trip to America and Ms Sia was laughing at Mr Ong because he didn't know how to send me email. Afterwards he checked his MSN account and my MSN nickname at his place was "Shan Cai" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG so humiliating ok. HAHAHAHAHAHA. And so we taught him how to send email. Then he was like, "Ok. Jessica, I've sent you an email." So here it goes:

Dear Jessica,
We,ll be in Chicago in Dec.
Where will you be at this time
Mr.Ong

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Like what's the point in sending me an email when I was just beside him. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Omg so cute ok hahahahahahahaha!!!

Yay, what a wonderful day!

Hmm 2 days have passed, let's see what my schedule is going to be like, till the 15th July!

Mon: Ice skating with Recess gang. Meeting 4/i if possible. Ha.
Tue: Meet guardian. Meet thk!
Wed: Go back cedar and visit the band
Thu: Go back cedar and meet teachers
Fri: Dinner with Azizah and gang
Sat: National Band Competition, out with band ldrs!
Sun: Forgot. Should be going to Anger's house I think
Mon: Meet tuition teacher
Tue: Back to indo at 10am!

OK WTH HOW COME IT'S SO PACKED?!?!??!?! -.-

Btw Mr Ong is so nice ok he gave me a Tuba collar pin for free and he said that I do not need to buy the $8 ticket and can watch the competition for free on Sat! MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

Yay, I can't wait to meet more and more people! :D

2008-07-06T07:19:00.013+08:00

4 July:

19 hours flight,my butt was really numb. Didn't drink much to save myself from the troublesome toilet trip. HAHA. Went in to the plane, and Herian snatched my window seat. -.- After that he was just obsessed with the indian girl sitting beside me. She was so weird ok omg like she had this awful expression and I was so scared she would vomit at my place. And then there was also this chinese lady who kept looking at her, so I told Herian in indo, "EH, thats her mom!" HAHAHAHAHAHA. Unfortunately, the lady talked to us in Indo when we stopped by Hong Kong. OMGGGGGG. Means she understood what I said about her! DIE. AAAAHHH.

Thats a photo taken secretly by Herian, so that he will remember the indian girl forever HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

(the one in pink!!)

Okay anyway my first meal was in the airport. Had KWEY TIAWWWWW! MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH.

And it was kinda weird to listen to singlish again. But I'm flexible so I am able to adjust accordingly. AHAHAHHAHAH wth.

Alright so I went back to my aunt's house first, unpacked, and left for Anger's house. It was 7 Pm and I'd wanted to cab there. But she said it was going to cost a comb since it's quite a distance travelling from Parkway parade to Bukit Batok. So yep, I took a bus and stopped at some foreign stop. -.- Then I called Anger to ask for directions and obviously it didn't help. Then I followed my instinct to take bus 55, thinking that it will bring me to Toa Payoh and then I would take the train to Bukit Batok. However, Anger called and said, "EH. WHAT IF THE BUS DOESNT STOP AT TOA PAYOH!?!?!?!?" I reassured her and calmly said, "Won't." But right after I put down the phone, the bus driver stopped and told me that he isn't going to drive to Toa Payoh. And I stopped right outside Victoria school, looking lost and desperate. Eventually, I cabbed to Anger's house and spent $25. And guess what, the taxi actually passed by my house. So actually I should've just cabbed from my house all the way to Bukit Batok instead of wasting money to take 2 buses and then land up at the same place again. DAMMMIIIITTTT.

And I'm so frustrated because I have got no more Student EZ link card. I'm paying Adult Fare. UNFAIR OK I AM STILL A CHILDDDD. T___T

Ok I ate Anger's mom's LAKSA!!!!!!!!!! YUMMMYYYYYYY

On the otherhand Zhiyin Anger Jiani Silin PS-ed me to watch TV and to play with my iphone. -.-

My crazy, monster-like friends. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.

Talked and chatted about random things and I fell asleep without realising it. HAHA.

5 July:
Had NASI LEMAK for breakfast! HAHAHAHAHA.

Then we went over to Orchard Road, and watched GET SMART at Cineleisure. It was hilarious ok ahahahahahah so lameeee!!!!!! Yes then Anger, Jenny, Jiani and Silin got their ears pierced. Jiani's face went pale again as usual, and Anger was overreacting. On the otherhand, Jenny was expressionless. HAHAHAHAH wth. Zhiyin was dying to get her 100th ear hole. AHAHA. Freak ok. And she's so excited about knowing her height because we said she grew taller. Should've seen her beaming face ok. -.- But apparently, she didn't grow at all. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Ate at Ajisen ramen! Took a long time to choose from the Menu but eventually we only ordered 2 bowls of Ramen. -.- 2 bowls for 6 people. HAHAHAHA cheapskate! lolllll but I'm still full anyway.

After that we went home. They were complaining about how I chose guy over friend. -_- but in the end I was too tired to get out of my house HAHAHA.

And yessss! I slept at 10 plus yesterday because my internet was down and I felt really sleepy. So I woke up at 6 am today and here I am, blogging away. And so, I will be going to Jurong East IMM to visit mr ong and ms sia later with zhiyin!!!!! HAHAHAHA. Muahahahhaha and after that I will be meeting thk. I think. HAHAHAHA.

SEE YOU!

Will be going back to Cedar on Thurs and Friday probably.
Sat we'll be watching national band competition. YAY BAND LEADERS OUTING!

And yesssss Dainese said he has got no time for me! -_- So mean ok omg.

2008-07-04T16:06:00.000+08:00

I AM BACK.

contact me at: 82396459

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

2008-07-03T02:37:00.002+08:00

a C grade for Arts2b.

GPA dropped from 4.0 to 3.6

So what if Econ is an A+, Hist A, Business A+, Math10 A, Astro A+

I GOT A FREAKING C FOR MY ARTS2B.

Now, which university will want to accept me.

It's all God's plan. I believe that He has a bigger plan for me.

The truth is that it hurts, a lot. Because I know I have the capability to get A for it.

Choices have consequences.

Sometimes, shit happens.

I will never make the same mistake again.

I've learned a life lesson the hard way.

2008-07-02T11:16:00.005+08:00

Guilty indulgence part II.

10,000 calories added. I wish I hate food.

Ah, one more night. :)

75 days
will everything change then.

P.s: I hate packing. 2 luggages 23 kg each. I think I'll exceed the weight limit. I swear this is frustratinggggggggg.

When is my Arts grade going to appear.

I can't stop thinking of you.

Woke up in a shock again. So much laundry to do.

2008-07-01T18:04:00.005+08:00

Although it's only going to be another night before I'm on my way to Sgp, it feels too fast and I feel like as if there's something holding me back. I don't feel like going back, yet. Darn, it might probably be because I'm not anticipating for that 20 hours flight. Oh no, the seat's gna be compact, and I'm seated near the window (lucky thing). Hoho, I hope I can sleep through the flight without eating any of the horrible meals and when I open my eyes, I would be staring out at the changi airport! mwahhaahaha.

These few days had been awesome. Went out to catch the movie 'Wanted' by Angelina Jolie with the others. It was pretty cool, the action, plot and stuff. The only negative thing was that we were seated at the first 2nd row and at the furthest end of the row. Therefore we had to stretch our necks, and after the movie I felt kinda dizzy and lost. HAHA. Disorientation I suppose, mwahaha. After which we went for supper at 99 chicken. Some korean restaurant. Had 50 pieces of chicken altogether (each of us had 10 pieces each). Yeah it was 11pm ok. Now you know why I've become a corpulent pig ever since I stepped into the United States. My stomach had expanded and I think I would need to eat 3 bowls of rice in Asia for each meal. Oh nooo.

Here's the picture of our supper. HAHA.

And I went out today too! Was outside for the entire evening + night. Walked around looking for things to buy, haha. See, I'm so nice. HAHAHAHAHA. Yes and finally I got something for the teachers! Super happy ok, I feel so accomplished. Like I had been cracking my brain, thinking of suitable things to get them. Mwahahhaha.

After which we had dinner at the food court. Ate mongolian noodles omg like 3 packets of instant noodles cooked into 1 serving? DAMN IT. The worst part was that I FINISHED THE WHOLE PACKET. Am i crazy or what, I just felt hungry at that point of time. Gosh, shoot me. Yes, and after another two hours of shopping, edi was trying to tempt me with the delicious thoughts and fantasies of In-N-Out burger. And yes, he succeeded. So we headed to the FAST FOOD RESTAURANT and I ate a large cheeseburger for supper. -_-" Stab me.

Omg. Can you hear it calling my name???? :O

Sinful indulgence. Really. I think that's worth 2000 calories ok. DIE. But In-N-Out has the best burgers ever, like 10,000 times better than Macs! Plus I can only find it in America and no where else. (that was precisely the method edi used to persuade and cause me to add on 2000 calories tonight). OH NOOOOOO. DIE. I gained another 1 kg! CRAAAAP!!!!

Other than that, today has been reaaaaaal fun. Mwaahahha I'm not taking any Summer classes so I don't have to worry about school till like erm, 25 Sept? :D

Anyway, I can't wait to meet up with them!! HAHA.

But I'm not ready to leave _.

2008-06-28T09:58:00.002+08:00

And so, FINALS ARE OVER! AHAHHAHAHA.

okay a few things on my mind lately. Crazy I only had 1.5 hours of sleep last night and yes I am very tired. But I just can't seem to be able to sleep, oh no. Damn.

Anyway I'm kinda happy over the results of my Final exams. Haha yes I'm reallllly grateful that History didn't pull my GPA down. Damn, I was super scared over history. Results are out for almost all subjects except for Accounting and Arts. Crap, I'm super worried about Arts, worried for 2 things. 1) an F grade. 2) not getting an A. Okay whatever, I hope the teacher would not take it so hard on all of us. But with choices have consequences. I've learnt my lesson in the hard way: No more of helping others doing their exams. No more shading 3 scantrons (aka OMR) anymore. No, no more. In the end all three of us get into trouble so what's the point. Now it's either F, B or A. I'm not even confident of the test itself. Yes yes I'm screwed. An unforgettable mistake, I swear I will never do it again. It's a long story, I don't even want to remember it again. I'd prefer it to be a nightmare though, but sad to say this is reality. I should've seen it coming.

Alright, 5 more days to go? 4th July 11.40AM at Changi Airport baby. I'm excited to the max. I can picture myself devouring the ever so delicious plate of Boon Tong Kee chicken rice oh nooooo. And I've not planned out my 10 days schedule craaap. HAHA. I'm so excited to meet people, I can't wait to meet them. But one thing bothering me, my weight. OH NO I AM SO FAT. I wanna go for liposuction.

So, life has not been that great afterall. But I'm thankful for what I've got. Friends and all. Kum's going back Indo tomorrow night, wth so impatient for what HAHA. I gotta spend a few nights alone before I set off to Sgp. HAHA.

Oh yes, my crush didn't turn up on the last day of class. He said he'd bring apple pies. :(

2008-06-26T14:31:00.002+08:00

I don't know where to go except here; the only place to rant, the only place where I can type and type non-stop for all I want, making myself feel better because there's no where else that I can go to. I don't know what to do, I can't stop myself from feeling bitter like this.

Forget about reading this post of mine, as it's going to be filled with rants and things that you might not even understand.

I'm feeling so messed up now. Like a combination of frustration, disappointment, fatigue, guilt, sorrow, etcetcetcetcetccccccccc. I don't know what to do, I'm lost. I really feel that I'm lost, I have no idea where I'm heading to, I am not conscious of what I'm doing. I am confused, bewildered, gone. What should I do, what can I do to make all of these go away. I don't like any of this, I'm so sick, so tired, I've had enough of all these.

I'd do whatever to rectify the mistake and make up for it. I only wanted to help, really. But how would I know, I didn't even expect for anyone to tell on me. I mean it didn't come across my mind at all that something like that would happen. Now I've jeopardized two of my friends' grades. Tell me, should I be hated or what. I don't know how to make it up to them, I know they said it's alright but deep inside, if there wasn't going to be anymore opportunity for them to save their A, I would be guilty forever. Like a scar that would remain always. I don't know, I truly am confounded. I don't know what to do no more.

It seems like as if the whole world's crashing down on me. I confess that this time, it feels like a whole volcano that has finally erupted. For a lot of times, I'd feel like this. It's like I'm bearing weights all over my shoulder. I am taking my grades too seriously, but what do I get in the end? Nothing. Eventually, I land up in situations like this. I hate all these, I want to run away. My best is never enough, I just have to accept the fact that I am not good at all. I expect too high an expectation. The greater I climb, the harder I fall. Maybe I'm just a form of bad luck. Maybe I ought to be ostracized, left aside. I bring no good, I do no help. I'm useless.

If only the incident just now was just a nightmare.

I only wanted to help

There's nothing that I can do now except to pray that everything would be alright. Actions have consequences, how could I ever forget that. Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

I'm sorry.

2008-06-22T16:42:00.002+08:00

Lets see, 11 more days?

OMG. I can't waittttt! ELEVEN MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

Can't contain my excitement! I want to meet up with everybody. Let's see..

Recess gang, llbbdd, band ldrs07, 4/i07, oalssss,

band!!!!, mr goh, mr chia, mrs loy, ms angelina tan, ms sia, mr ong,

thk, dainese!!!!!, sir (OMG I MISS SIR LAH!), guardian, tutor,

etc etc etc so many peopleeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

and KATHLEEN KONG WHERE ARE YOU. MIA. PS ME. CMFBMH!!!!!!!!!!! -.-

HAHAHA remember my old disp pict on msn when i put my (-.-) face LOLLLL.

By the way I'm broke. So that means no present from U.S! hahahaha my presence is enough already right. ok I ought to be shot, yaya.

FINAL EXAMS NEXT WEEK! OMG I'M FREAKING SCARED.

Exams for the past two days have been terrible. The first B for econs, and maybe a B or C for accounting. Yucks. I'm hoping that I'll do well for finals so that my grades can be pulled up again HAHA. 4.0!!!!!!!!! :O

DIANA SEBASTIAN! HAHA STAY IN SG LONGER THEN YOU CAN SEE THE FAT ME. Omg I am so inspired by the show 'The Biggest Loser'!!!! Like contestants go there and lose a lot of weight. Some lost like over 40+kg!! I wanna join and lose back the 20kg that caused me to be SEVERELY OVERWEIGHT. Yes, you can imagine how fat I am now. No other words can describe me, except for rotund, corpulent, stout, obese etc etc the synonyms for fat. Omg, I get a shock whenever I look at myself at the mirror. Therefore, mirrors should be demolished! Then pretty people don't know that they are pretty HAHAHA ok I'm so mean. Why am I so ugly and fat :(

On the other hand, sometimes I feel so messed up. Deep inside, I know I can't deny. But I can't do nothing except to keep hoping that things will remain this way. I know one day I'll miss you. And it'll be real soon. Somehow, I look up to you. I admire your perseverance and strength. Even if you're reading this, I doubt you'll even know that I'm referring to you. Thank you for everything, it feels a lot better when you're around. I just want you to be happy.

It's true when they say, you can't fix a broken vase because even though how hard you try, there's no way to put those pieces back again.

Inevitably, what's done is done.

No matter how good things are going right now, there's no denying of how much impact you'd caused. It takes a long time to build up a connection between two parties, and it takes barely minutes to destroy it all. What is the meaning of the late night calls, the endless ranting and negating, the sacrifices, everything that happened before when eventually you chose to turn your back against me. Even though sometimes I wonder why there was a 180 degrees change in you, it feels really numb now. I don't give a damn anymore, yes, I don't. I used to ponder and try to excogitate so that things will work out. But I guess I made the scrupulous decision to leave things as they are.

It's arduous to confide in you again. Too late.

We'd reached the point of no return.

Perhaps you're the biggest mistake that I'd made.

If I were to be given a choice, I would fix it so that we wouldn't have met at all.

2008-06-20T14:13:00.004+08:00

My usual Thursday post.. ENGLISH LESSON!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

And today's lesson is like one of the bestest ones in my entire life in De Anza! HAHA not like as though I've been here for a long time... but yes! MY CRUSH IS SO CUTE! (don't give me this face-> -.-) HAHAHA. Ok so here's the story.

I was so frustrated and was in a foul mood because of my screwed up economics exam. Darn, I studied till 3 am alright. But it made not much of a difference, this exam is so going to pull my average down. I'd have to get a 100% for final exam next week in order to maintain my A+. Shyts. Dammittttttxzxzxxzz.

But my sunshine brightened up my day~ We were being split up into groups of 3 by the teacher, and obviously she had separated my crush and I. See, so mean! However, she cannot change destiny and separate the envelope (him) and stamp (me) (HAHA what a comparison but heck!). Initially I was complaining like a mad horse because I was not in the same group as him! And wth kumkum ended up in his group! So lucky ok omgggg. Yes but in the end??!!!? TA-DAAAA! He happened to sit beside me again! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. It's a coincidence ok! I don't understand why everyone claimed that it was a tactic of mine. -__- HAHA. Like usual, the teacher caught him playing games on my iphone. She was explaining to the class about some stuff and suddenly she went, "BEN! stop playing with the red thing and return it to jessica!" HAHAHAHA. Afterwards she came over to us and said, "I'd purposely put both of you in different groups but in the end you will end up sitting close to each other again! It's like as though there's this strong magnetic pole or what." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH FINALLY SHE UNDERSTANDS! AHAHAHAHAHA. We're like magnets~ And guess what he replied!!!! He said.. "Yes! It seems like it!" HAHAHAHAHA OMGGGG. SO CUTEEEEEE RIGHT!!!~ (: (: (: (: (: (: (:

HOHOHOHO. Before class ended he was telling kum and I that he likes our accent. HAHA. He went like, "Yeah, you and your 'what!?' haha!" (I always look at him with this face-> -.- and say, 'what!?' with the wahlaoooooooo tone) LOLLL. So I replied, "Yeah, my WHAt!?!? and your usual -> MUAHAHAHAHHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHAH" LOLLLLLLLLL he went giggling like mad and said, "Gosh!!! You're so funny! MUAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!"

-.-

BUT SO CUTE OK. TEEHEEHEHEHEHHE~

Went for lunch at the Cafetaria again after class ended~ Took a photo with him~ On cloud nine~ Yay~ What a happy day~ He is like the best~ hhehehehehehe~~~~~~

YES! THE PHOTO IS ON MY DISPLAY PICTURE! DONT BE A BUSYBODY OK HAHA~!

*BEAMS*

AND, this is the aftermath of my successful strategic plan of taking a photo with him..

2008-06-19T11:41:00.004+08:00

I'm not supposed to be here but I'm taking time off from the Economics book just for awhile HAHA. There's an Economics exam tomorrow, 6 chapters omggggg. I'm scared. I hope this exam won't pull my average grade down, there's so much to memorise dammit.

Alright! Here goes, my usual Tuesday entry about....

MY CRUSH! TA-DAAAA!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Omgomgomgomg guess what!!! He cut his hair!!! HAHAHAH it's partially bald. Like there's hair at the top of the head and no hair for the bottom half SO CUTE RIGHT! HAHAHA and he keeps wearing a cap because he thinks his hairstyle is weird, he said he had to cut and pay twice ok. ): See the barber waste his money for what! HAHAHA. I'll hire a private investigator to spy on that silly barber ok. HAHAHAHA. Ok initially he was like farrrr away from me (not far actually, just two seats away) HAHA. But then he moved his chair and sat beside me again!!!!! SEEE! WE ARE MEANT TO BE! AHAHAH he changed his fate and crossed the path in my life! Omg what a touching and noble sacrifice. T.T So touching okkkkk.

HAHA meanwhile the teacher was getting a headache because apparently my crush is obsessed with the games in my iphone. (he should also be obsessed with the owner of the iphone) HAHA. Yessssss and my iphone has a red paulfrank cover, so when the teacher walked past him and saw him playing, she commented in a moment of frustration, "Put this awayy!!!! This red thing is annoying me!!!" (or something like that). HAHAHAHA.

Before class ended, he said, "Hey where are you guys going!" and so we said, "Cafetaria." And then he replied, "Oh, Cafetaria? Hmm not today. Thursday okay? (: (: (: (: (: (: (:" (ok I exaggerated the smiley faces)

I then laughed and replied, "Haha no problem"

But in my heart it was like -> OK OK OK OKKKK!!!!!!!!

And when the conversation starts, we mock, we laugh, we scoff, we'd deride. When it gets worse we'd start picking up the fine little details and pick on every trivial mistake that you'd made, bring up the past and unconsciously start to compare. The cycle goes on, sometimes I wish it didn't have to be this way. I can feel the awkwardness and the emptiness of all these, why stab your own friend right at the back? I used to believe in the term "Forgive and Forget", but all I feel now is that there's no meaning behind that phrase afterall. Perhaps it's just another frequent expression that comes out of everyone's mouths. So meaningless, so empty. Yes we are at fault, but you're worse. I thought things would get better but no because it seems like you are proficient in making use of others when you need them, swallow them then spit them out afterwards. I wish I could do something and it's just like as though I'm watching someone drowning but even though I want to help, I can't because I'm unable to swim. Stop this, just stop. Can we go back to the past when everything seemed perfect and that everyone's nice and warm?

It's like a game of pretense. Everyday we put on a facade, give superficial smiles and walk away.

Anyway.

Two more English lessons to go ackkkk ):

2008-06-17T14:00:00.002+08:00

I'm taking a break

I'm only taking a break

Hectic schedule once again. So many things on the list: Econ exam, Acctg exam, Hist in-class essay, English homework etcetcetc. Oh nooooo, I can foresee myself burning late night oil again. Crap why must this always happen to me. -_-

I'm kinda pleased with my current results. I hope I'll do well for finals next week and enjoy myself thoroughly for the entire 3 months summer holiday! HAHA. I deserve a gooooood break okay. The weather has been fluctuating, sometimes it gets too dry and hot but at times it'd be as cold as winter. It's 14degrees currently omg. Is this summer yet or what? See! Look at what global warming has done to us! We should stop the use of paper to prevent trees from being cut and therefore, we should all stop studying and writing and start fantasizing about my crush! HAHAHAHAHAHA! YES! He is soooooooo adorable ok omg he replied my facebook message! HAHAHAHAH yes I am over the moon! Over the clouds! Over the stars! I'm on top of Mars. HAHAHAHAAHAH. Yay.

On the other hand, I almost fainted in disgust when Kum and DD told me about __. OMG WTHHHHHzzxzxzxzxzxzxz!?!?!!?!?!?! YUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKS. Crap I'm so mean but this is realityyyyyyy.

(DONT BE CURIOUS)

Anyway.

Sometimes I feel a sense of pity. Don't know why. Maybe because we used to be so close. Too close for comfort. And suddenly it's like snap you're gone. What else could I do except to deny and avoid. Damn, adolescent behavior. Too late for regrets, I still think that I could've done something. Could have saved all of these. Could have been better.

I hope things can remain this way. Not too close, not too far apart.

Two different worlds

Let fate decide whose paths to cross

2008-06-16T01:31:00.003+08:00

18 more days!!!! :D

Anyway it was my darling's birthday yesterday! Didn't get to call/message him because.. (he has my number but I don't have his) T_T hu hu hu... But sent him a message on facebook anyway! HAHA. Yeah facebook is the only connection holding us together so I must keep my facebook account alive. HAHAHAHAHHAHA

Nothing much to bloogggg. I only blog more on tues thurs because those two days are the only days in which I have got english class with him! And to think that next tue will be our last few lessons together... Hiks hiks. Tell me, how can I live without him~~~ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Another thing to mention here,

If I do have a universal remote control, I'd rewind time and prevent those awful incidents from happening. It has been a long time, & you've changed drastically. I don't even think I know you anymore. Because suddenly I recalled what you told me in the middle of the night, when we'd be stuck by the phone for hours till morning. You said, "Who knows, in a few months time, we won't even hang out with each other. Maybe then, you'd be playing with your own group of friends and I'd be going out with other people."

Why did you allow it to happen?

2008-06-13T10:37:00.004+08:00

I entered English class, and decided that I would sit near the middle of the classroom since I'd predicted my crush to sit near there. But fifteen minutes passed, thirty minutes passed, forty-five.. fifty.. and when I'd felt so low and sad thinking that he wouldn't be coming, my friends started shouting and making funny noises so I looked up and there he was, standing tall and strong, with his $300 gucci sunglasses wearing his cool black shirt, looking as cute as ever- MY CRUSH HAD ARRIVED! At that moment, I struggled hard to keep that smile from flashing on my face. He's like the sun in my dark and monotonous life ok. HAHAHAHAHHA.

My plan to sit beside him had succeeded, like 99.9%? But due to a stupid projector that had to be placed in the middle of the classroom, it had separated us from each other. (STUPID PROJECTOR!) I was frustrated ok wth how could a non-living thing become a barrier between us!!?!?! HAHAHA. Ok but we communicated anyway and omg he is so so so so so so so niceeeee!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D He returned my journal to me because he said I needed it to do my homework, but I told him I could do my work on a piece of paper and that he could borrow my journal to guide him in his work. But then he flashed a dazzling smile, held my shoulder (for 3 seconds OMG) and calmly said, "It's okay, you need it to complete your work anyway. :)" OMGGGGGG! (hyperventilates) HAHAHAHAH and and anddddd we were seated at the same table in the cafetaria after class because I wanted to accompany him have lunch. HEHEHEHEHHEHEEHE! (another progress!) He ate that burger in such an adorable manner omg he made me salivate ok. (not upon seeing the burger, but because I was observing him) HAHAHAHAH wth I sound so sick. NOO I'm not sick in the mind! HAHA it was such a cute sight. Normally I'd be lazy to enter the cafetaria after class and would complain if kum or tou wants to go there but this time it's different okay cuz my heart is going to the cafetaria! How could my body leave my heart you tell me?! HAHA! See! I had no choice but to enter the dining place! (excuses) HAHA!

OMG HE IS SO CUTE. SO CUTE. SO CUTE!!!!!!!
But only 3 more lessons left. :( I hope this isn't the end. I'm going to learn CPR in case I have to rescue him one day. HAHA HAHA HAHA. But fat hope for the rest who really needs help. LOLLLLL shit I'm so mean :X

Ok finally it's Thursday. One more class tomorrow and I'd be drop dead on the bed like a dead bear. Crazy ok I'm so fat. I'd break the bed if I were to jump on it. T.T I need to lose weightttttt because my parents don't accept me for who I am. Guess what my dad would say to my mom if I webcammed with him?
Dad: Your daughter is becoming more and more like a King Kong.

OMG.
I wish we were back in the past, when fat means pretty and prosperous. HAHAHAHAHA. Now everyone just wants to be like stick insects. Apply a bit of force to the arm and it'll fly away HAHA.

2008-06-11T14:57:00.003+08:00

TODAY: HAPPY.

MWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!! Yes yes yesssssss what else except for the fact that my new crush made my day! HAHAHAHA.

Yes it was during English class. We were given a different book review each, passed out by the teacher randomly. And so we were told to analyse and summarise the stuff there etc and then find those who has got the same article as us. YES. COINCIDENTALLY (believe it or not!), my new crush has got the same one as me! YESSS!!!!!!!! And so we got into the same group mwahahaahhahahahahahah! Destiny has finally played its role into bringing the two of us together. (melts) HAHA. I was so high I thought I would've nosebled at that time. He's sooo cute ok! And guess whaaaaat! He was looking at my quiz and the teacher came over. Out of the blue he told the teacher, "Yeah she's really smart. Like a genius. She's only seventeen and she can speak like what, 4 languages?! She's also taking like 26.5 units! So young and she'd stayed in two different countries. Gosh, I think she should take IQ test or something. I think she's going to be the richest among everyone in a few years time!!!!!!! YEAH! Not only that, she's charismatic too etc etc etc etc" AHAHAHAHAH! HE SAID I'M CHARISMATIC. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't stop smilingggggg to myself omg HAHAHAAHA BUT HAHAHA he was exaggerating at some parts ok obviously I am not THAT smart, I'm not even close to a genius pls. -_-" HAHA and Patrick (another guy in our class) was sniggering away, and he added, "Yeah yeah! She works full time too!" -_-" My crush couldn't agree more. And so the teacher was amused. HAHAHAHA. I don't even work pls. HAHAHAHAHA. Nonsenseeeeeeeeee!!!!

Yaaaa and afterwards the teacher was explaining to us the meaning of a certain word (it has a meaning of something good) and then Tou pointed to Kum and whispered to me saying, "Retarded." HAHAHA so we were laughing and my new crush leaned over and asked me what we were laughing about. And soooooo I blabbered off something else and whispered to him, "Yeah, he's gay." (I was pointing to Tou). He took it seriously and gave a shocked-but-symphatized look. (HAHA) Afterwards I added, "Yeah! You know what, he likes men with huge muscles." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Unexpectedly he burst out into fits of laughter till the teacher had to keep us quiet. Oops. HAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAH.

YAY HAPPY DAY. I hope we will be in the same class again in the Fall quarter in Sept. He said he'd apply for that class. (Must be because of me). I'm charismatic remember. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ok fine don't puke. HAHAH. But what matters most is that I'm charismatic. My charisma has captured his attention. HAHA. See, ever since that day in which he did the shooting action at me, I knew that we were meant to be. (Awww) AHAHA ok enoughhhhhhh it's homework time.

Before I leave...
I AM SO FAT. FAT. FAT.

Ok good luck people. 22 more days!

Bestest Regards,
The fat but charismatic me
(HIHIHIHOHOHOHOHO)

2008-06-10T14:18:00.003+08:00

Pisces: One of your new relationships is getting stressful. Take a few days or weeks apart.
So I clicked on 'View More', and here it goes:
One of your newer relationships has more twists and turns than a Hollywood thriller -- at first things with them were great, then suddenly they started getting stressful. How are you two going to get closer if you don't understand how they think? Put this 'crazy relationship' movie on pause, and take some time apart. Find out what life is like without them, and then get back in touch in a few weeks. You might just end up agreeing to disagree, which is a solid solution.

:O

???

Well it just seems so scary when daily horoscope can be so accurate at times. Like I don't even understand what it's referring to. (WAIT. Don't tell me it's my relationship with BC. Omg nooooo no no noooo!!) T.T If it's true then I'll cry a thousand rivers, oceans, seas and lakes ok. The world will flood and I'd have Kum build an ark before hand HAHAHAHAHA ok wth. Guess whaaaat call me outdated I don't care because I laughed my head off while watching Evan Almighty for the first time in my entire life two days ago. HAHA. It's like one of the best movies! (Besides 21 and Click) MWAHAHAHA. Oh, I miss Finding Nemo. ):

Speaking about Finding Nemo.
I
Miss
_____!
(Sometimes)

Oh nooooo! I seem to be missing so many things and so many people. My heart broke yesterday because I realised that my blue pencil wasn't working well anymore. Yes, blame that stuuuuuupid accounting midterm. Not only was it brain wrecking, it made me spoil my precious, worthy, valuable BLUE pencil. It has stood by me for close to ten years already. So tell me, what can I do to fix it back to it's normal healthy working state again??? T.T

Hu hu hu....

And oh well. I survived the weekend! MWAHAHHA.

Accounting midterm wasn't too well done but I guess I am rather satisfied. Made a few careless mistakes but I hope I won't do too badly in it. Shucks! Why am I always so careless dammit. But midterms in the States aren't as bad as tests and exams in Sgp. I remember being so stressed out last year especially during Midyrs period. HAHA and the stupid phonecalls I had with Anger.
J:"Anger, howwww!!! Tmr's GEOG!! I haven't study!!!" (It was still in the afternoon)
A:"YESSSS!!! ME TOOOOO. HOW!!!!??!?!"
J:"But I'm so sleepy. How ah how ah."
A:"Take a nap first la. Wake up then study."
J:"Ok"
At 9 pm that day...
J:"DIE. I JUST WOKE UP. HAVENT STARTED STUDYING."
A:"ME TOO. BUT NOW GOT 9PM SHOW. Watch first lah."
J:"OK! HAHA. 10PM THEN STUDY."
But in the end we fell asleep without studying. While people like Jiani mugged like mad. HAHAHAHA.

Classic.

AND YES ANGER KEEPS INSULTING ME.

anger says: (11:57:09 PM)
aiyah you
anger says: (11:57:13 PM)
fat still pretty what
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (11:59:01 PM)
WTH
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (11:59:09 PM)
THAT WAS IN THE PAST IN MAINLAND CHINA OK
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (11:59:12 PM)
fat=pretty
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (11:59:12 PM)
now
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (11:59:16 PM)
fat=kingkong
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (11:59:17 PM)
omg
anger says: (11:59:24 PM)
JAHHAHAHAHHAHAH
anger says: (11:59:25 PM)
tha'ts me! HAHA
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (11:59:28 PM)
WTH
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (11:59:36 PM)
insulting me
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (11:59:39 PM)
wahlaos
anger says: (11:59:41 PM)
i am the kingkong remember! AHHAHHA
anger says: (11:59:41 PM)
NO! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (11:59:44 PM)
idiot
anger says: (11:59:45 PM)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAAHAH
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (11:59:47 PM)
i dun buy back things fr u
anger says: (11:59:48 PM)
DAMN YOU
anger says: (11:59:49 PM)
HAHAHA
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (11:59:50 PM)
hmph
anger says: (11:59:52 PM)
EH!
anger says: (11:59:53 PM)
EH!
anger says: (11:59:53 PM)
EH!
anger says: (11:59:54 PM)
EH!
anger says: (11:59:58 PM)
childish
anger says: (11:59:58 PM)
to
anger says: (11:59:59 PM)
the max
anger says: (12:00:00 AM)
HAHA
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:00:01 AM)
our friendship is only based on weight
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:00:03 AM)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
anger says: (12:00:07 AM)
HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA!
anger says: (12:00:09 AM)
the heavier is it
anger says: (12:00:12 AM)
the better right! HAHAHAHA
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:00:16 AM)
the heavy ones no friend
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:00:19 AM)
segregated
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:00:22 AM)
ostracized
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:00:27 AM)
prejudiced
anger says: (12:00:33 AM)
HAAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH! okay bye
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:00:36 AM)
bigontried
anger says: (12:00:38 AM)
go live in your own world
anger says: (12:00:39 AM)
HHAHAHAHA
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:00:40 AM)
HAHAAHAHAHA
anger says: (12:00:40 AM)
PLEASE!
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:00:41 AM)
ASSS
anger says: (12:00:43 AM)
you're not even OBESE
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:00:46 AM)
the world doesnt revolve around u
anger says: (12:00:46 AM)
AHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:00:47 AM)
HAHAHAHAHAH
anger says: (12:00:57 AM)
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:01:13 AM)
not obese, but stout
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:01:15 AM)
large
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:01:16 AM)
plump
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:01:31 AM)
rotund
anger says: (12:01:32 AM)HAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHA
Tjung! `Appaled at my vast growth in size says: (12:01:33 AM)
corpulent

KEEPS INSULTING MEEEEE!

2008-06-07T14:58:00.003+08:00

I want to be like those birds out in the sky, smelling the air of freedom
high and up they fly, to somewhere, anywhere.
Even birds have the right to choose where they wanna head towards,
so why can't I.

Sometimes I pause and look around. Why do I envy those people who seems to have no specific aim in life. They hang out, have fun, drink, smoke, dance, gamble. Gamble and lose money, but are still able to laugh. Dance, lose themselves, drink, take drugs, but yes, they are happy. Why do people like us step back, draw a big circle around us and always stop ourselves to do things like those because we tell ourselves that we want a bright future. We don't want to ruin our lives.
Bright future, what exactly is that.
A life in which you get to live in luxury, expensive cars, big mansion, huge swimming pool, uncountable number of maids, greenery outside the window, breakfast every morning served on the bed, eye-catching dresses?

But what if you stay away from the outside world too much, draw a fence from all those, indulge in conservative life and yet get nothing, nothing at all.
I wonder what kind of happiness can be found from all those superficial fun. Drugs and go into rehabilitation?
At times, I get curious.
But no, I haven't lost my mind. I'm still in a world of books. Yay?

It suddenly struck me that I want something good out of all these afterall. I tend to want to go somewhere else, some place new, different, far away. Sometimes it can be negative too because I can be overly independent. I want to be able to rely on someone, anybody, just anyone. Why do I feel that I am always being relied upon, someone whom people would look for whenever they have a favor to ask from me. I want to have a taste of what it feels like to release all these invisible burden from my shoulder blades, lie down, close my eyes and let go, thinking there'll be someone out there to complete all these tasks, instead of me. Why must it be me.
No I am not complaining. It's a relief that I'm able to help out anyway, but at times I want a break.
It's tiring, really.

I know it's true when they say nothing lasts forever.
People change even though feelings don't. They just fade away after sometime.
When was the last time we took out these masks, tear down this invisible wall separating us, converse like as though your life is mine and my life is yours.
The disappointment that had enveloped the feeling of fancy is unbearable. The used-to-bes, the past, or can I say it's like once upon a time? Can I stop pretending.

If only we can rewind back time and pause at our favourite moments.
I miss you all.

Anyway, scratch off the emotional parts. Friday night gets me into thinking and digging into the base of my emotions. Ha.
Busy busy weekend.
Econ problem set
Astronomy midterm
Accounting midterm
English project on gay marriage
History discussion paper

HAHA. But at least the amount of work is not as huge as Sgp's June hol school work. MWAHAHAHAH. Okay I shall shut up. :D It amazes me to how I survived 9 years buried under Sgp's education system. HAHA.

Oh yes I have to blog this down. My new crush always brighten up my day HAHAHA. On tuesday he hi5-ed with me and I was on cloud nine. I publicized to everyone and assured them that I would put a plastic bag over my hand when I bathe so that his handprint would not go away. But after that I forgot about it and I washed my hand! OH NOOOO. HORROR. Oh and he cheated my feelings and broke my heart because last week he said he would ring me up and meet up with me so that we can do homework together. (That got me high and I even smiled to sleep that night ok.) Yaaa but he didn't. ): I bet he forgot. SO SAD. Okayyyy but yesterday he sent me a facebook message and turned my world upside down again HAHAHA. He was so cute in class too HAHAHA he's so gullible ok. It started on the very first day of English lesson and I had shared my book with him because he forgot to bring his. Eh that's unintentional ok, I hadn't felt any chemistry at that time. HAHAHA. Ya so we were having group work and we had to list down words that we didn't understand. The group suggested the word should be "Nostalgia" because they were unsure of the meaning. But yeah I then explained to them what the word meant and he had labeled me as a child prodigy since that day. -.- yes because before we had group work, the teacher asked the class if there was anyone still 17 years old and I was one of the three to raise up my hand. My crush (OMG, crush!) then interviewed me and was awed to know that 1) I'm only 17 and in college, 2) I didn't do high school there but I know more vocabulary words than him, 3) I'm taking so many classes and still survived. HAHAHAHAH. Ta-daaaa, from that day onwards, he thinks that I'm a genius. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Yes so on Thursday we were on the topic of language and the teacher said that many of us are bilingual. I then whispered to Kumkum and said "EH I'M TRILINGUAL!" (ok I didn't exactly whisper) and my crush heard! So he became more amazed. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He stared at me in disbelief and was like "Omg you can speak 3 languages?? That's so cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" HAHA one of our classmates then sniggered at him because he always gives that kind of funny expression, thinking that I'm a genius (when I'm not). HAHAHAHAHAHAH. It's just that I keep lying to him and he keeps believing me. LOL LOL LOL.

HAPPY!

& Yes, 26 more days to go! I can imagine myself devouring Boon Tong Kee's chicken rice woohoo!

2008-06-04T11:30:00.003+08:00

I missed those times in which I'd giggle to myself like crazy while chatting online.

Out of boredom (this shouldn't be the case because I've got tons of stuff to do actually -.-), I googled my name and came across blogs. Then I clicked on lichu's blog and started laughing like mad.

-

Anyway I was reading this absolutely hilarious chat that I saved from MSN. Was talking to Jess, Zhiyin. Alicia & Gill joined in at some parts. Shall post some excerpts/extracts (?) HAHA

EXCERPT 1: Jessica is a nonsense girl
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
omg after talking to mr ______, i realised tt my hair bcame curlier
And I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
DIAOOOOOOOOOO
And I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
HAHAHAHHA
And I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
YOU'RE SO RUBBISH LA JESS!
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
HUH?
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
rly
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
HAHA you think he hairstylist ar can perm your hair
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
WTH
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
AHAHAHAHAHAA
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
AHYA
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
got gamma ray ma
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHAHAHAHA
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
or whatever it is
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
AHHAHAAH
And I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
!?!?!?!?
And I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
whats the link!
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
-___- gamma ray you disintegrate alr la
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
HAHA
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
huh then you differentiate and integrate back lor
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

EXCERPT 2
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
eh flc tree, your green font is to represent rjc ah
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
hahahahaa
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
HAHA
And I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
WHATTTTTTT
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHAHAHA
And I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
hahahahaha
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
no la tree what
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
must use green
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
ya hor
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHAHA
And I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
you think of the stupidest things JESSICA
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
"what in the world!"
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
HAHA
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHAAH WHAT
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHAHAHAHA
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
YAH!
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
"chek ark!"
And I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
OI

EXCERPT 3
And I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
cant wait
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
yep
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
cant wait to study w ldrs or study w aladdin huh
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHAHAHA
And I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
what IS ur problemmmmmmm
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
physics
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHAHA

EXCERPT 4: How fast your friends can catch your mistakes and make a joke out of it
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
i thought mdm koh say only our class
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
ya tts why she say is it cuz we top for olvl chinese tts why we complacent
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
really
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
yaa
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
u too busy chatting with abby la
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
hahaha
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
PO
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
i mean
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
PO
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
OI
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
HAHAHAHA
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
hahahahahahahahha
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
typo la typo
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
PO
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
AHHAHA
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
PO
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
POPOPO
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHAAHAHAHA
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
OI!
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
HAHAHAHAHA
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
STOP IT LA HAHAHAHA

EXCERPT 5: Proof that Jessica is possibly the sickest 16 year old in Cedar
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
lacy thinking of lumda
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHHAHAHA
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
zhiyin wna be wavelength
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
cuz wavelength is F lumda
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
OMG
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
she wna F lumda
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHAHA
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
WTH?
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHAHAHA
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHAHAHA
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
AHHAHAHAHAHAHAA

The best thing was, waveSPEED (not wavelength) = F lumda. HAHAHA.

EXCERPT 6: Jessica's rare decent moments
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
eh, what is lactobacillus bulgaricus
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
bacteria for cheese making
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
HAHAHAH
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
HAHAHAHA
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
streptococcus thermophilus also
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
i was bracing myself for sth sick
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
AHAHHA
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
like some reproductive organ or sth
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
hahaahahahaha
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
WALAOOOOOOOOOOO
Lactobacillus bulgaricus says:
AHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
cos
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
knowing you, jess
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
hahahahaha

EXCERPT 7: I can be quite slow
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
GILLIAN
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
i know what currency is close to ours!
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
BRUNEI
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
ISNT THAT WHAT I SAID JUST NOW
zhiyin why couldn't she smile back. says:
HAHAHA
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
OH REALLY
I want to give to You more than a love song can give says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

OMG
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I LAUGHED LIKE A MAD ASS OK. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAH
chek ark!
HAHAHAHAHAHA

we should have a ldrs msn conversation one day or something. omg i miss you peoppleee!!!!!

4 JULY 11:40AM.
Wait for my arrival, fans. HAAHAHAHA ok no puking allowed.

2008-06-01T13:42:00.002+08:00

HELLO HELLO GUESS WHAT!

32 more days to happiness! HAHAHAHAHAHAH :D

I am going to watch the band competition! Ms sia told me to go down and support mwahahahahahah!

Well anyway, I wonder who still reads this blog of mine. Rusty, and boring thing. Sigh, I forgot how to change the template and I'm too lazy to do it. Mwahhaha but at least I still update sometimes okay! lollll

Hoho by the way, I'm quite happy at the fact that I can still use proper singlish whenever I speak with the singapore people. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! Anger and Jiani were so curious and they wanted to hear my American accent (-.-), but actually my accent kinda sucks and yeah, I'm quite confused at the fact that my Indonesian language has been the one which has tremendous improvement instead of my English. Gosh, what is happening to me. -.-

Sometimes I wish I can do things of my own accord.

Why do I feel that I am always forced to do the things I do.

Never satisfied with the things we have = Humans.

Thinking about the future which is so, so near makes me feel like screaming sometimes. I don't want to put my hopes up too high but. I know I can do better. No, I should be satisfied. No. This isn't me.
I want to be able to know myself and not feel so inferior most of the time.
Why do I care so much about what others think, and what they say. Those words won't be able to harm me anyway.
But sometimes incidents like these allow room for disappointment. Why why why.
Just random thoughts. Moodswing I suppose.

At times I feel so pathetic. I am not even granted time for myself to be alone.

Sometimes I tend to lose trust in others. Do they even mean what they say when they congratulate me on my achievements? Or are they simply forms of sarcasm?
I don't know.

Whatever it is, I am,
tired.
Just tired.
Tired of doing things others want me to do.
Tired of fulfilling expectations.
Tired of being the chicken among the swans.
Tired of superficial smiles.

Can I rewind back time and pause at those that I like?

Random:
I want to go New york and spend my university days there. :O

2008-05-30T08:33:00.002+08:00

Evelyn: "BEN! Jessica missed you sooo much."
Benchoi: "Oh yeah?? I know I know!"
Me: "NOOOOOOO" -in a hysterical manner-
Andree: "Just forget about her"
Benchoi: "Hmm.. I'll try?"

AHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! :D :D :D

2008-05-24T06:53:00.002+08:00

40 MORE DAYS!

Omg I'm so excited so excited so excited so excitedddddddd!!!!!!!
And now I want to extend my stay in Spore! HAHAHAHAH because the band's having competition and it's on 12 July. So yeah, I would be going back on the 10th?? EEEE DONT WANT! I shall extend a few more days hmmm maybe till 14 or 15 July? But I wld've to loiter around the streets eee ): ha hotel super expensive please! D:

ANYWAYY.
Since I'm going back all the way from the States, WHO WANTS ANYTHING FROM U.S???? I shall start saving up to buy things back for people (omg since when have I become so nice?? Must be because I'm more matured now HAHAHAHAHAH fine don't puke dammit).

HOHO. I really can't wait. You know how excited I am?? It's like it's like it's likeeeeeee my long awaited dream is going to come true-- BOON TONG KEE'S CHICKEN RICE + FRIED TOFU, THAI EXPRESS, CINELEISURE, PLAZA SING, ANGER'S MOM'S LAKSA + MI FEN TANG HAHAHAHAH ETC ETC OMGGGG I CAN'T WAITTTTT!
And of course going back to cedar! Meeting up manymanymany people andandandddddd crashing into people's lessons HAHAHAHAHA see! I have been missing everyone like crazy omgomgomgomggggg!

But I'm so screwed up now. How to lose weight in U.S? Food=Fatty, Sleep=Improper, Exercise=Too lazy, Diet=Can't last, Studies=Not as stressful as Sgp. OH NOOOO.

Plus I think I'm going to stay for another year in college. If USC (University of Southern California) doesn't accept me next year, that is. Haha, I have a sudden aspiration of getting into UC Berkeley again! But I need to work super duper hard in order to get in and be active in school! Ahhhh 2010 then go university. SO LONGGGG! Too long! I want to graduate fast and earn money! Hahahaha. Speaking about being active in school, I think my enthusiasm for my current college is only like 5% of what I used to feel for Cedar. Guess what, I joined the Red Cross Club! HAHA cool right! Because I want to learn CPR so I can do CPR on people HAHAHAHAHAHHA ^^ (but I don't do CPR for everybody ok. hohohohohoho nooo I'm not mean!).

By the waaaay, I'm supposed to be on my way to C.O.D's BBQ. HAHA. But I'm still stuck here at home and my butt refuses to leave my super comfortable and cosy $70 chair. LOL LOL LOL. I think my sense of punctuality is gone. I'm soooo tired now ok omgg because my roomate and I just cleaned the superduperdamn dirty house. Ya our faulttt for being so lazy to clean the house and we spent like three hours to clean everything. -.- INCLUDING THE TOILET BOWL OK (yucks yucks yucks I miss my maid!).

AHHH! I WANT A CAR! (random)
Mom doesn't allow me to get one.
She said, "YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A LICENSE! DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DRIVE PROPERLY! TAKE BUS!"
T_T

I want a car!

2008-05-16T18:45:00.002+08:00

OMG I MISS CEDAR AND THE BAND AND ALL MY FRIENDS (SEE LZY I WHERE GOT BGPY HAHA).

Was chatting with juniors, seniors and peers online just awhile ago. Craaaap suddenly there was a sudden urge for me to chat with those in Singapore. I MISS YOU PEOPLEEEEE! HAHA. Not like I'm suffering here but yeah suddenly I just miss those days. I've got lots of catching up to do with many people and hoho I can't wait for 4th July! :D

But before that I should stop pigging out and start losing meat. Crazy ok I gained like 6 kg. CRAP. I look like a stupid fat pig now oh nooooooo. I feel like breaking all the mirrors in the world.

HAHA.

And yessssssss I heard that the band's going to handover next week! OMG SO COOL. Time flies okkkkkk I can't believe I used to feel like them too a year ago. Hoho. But yeahhhhhh I want to go back and visit! Even though the band room is smelly and I don't know how to get to the school. Mwahahahahahahhaha.

People like Anger needs to be shot to death because she keeps sending me SMSes saying "Eh you free next week? Wanna go Pizza Hut?? EH I FORGOT YOU'RE IN US!" -.- and also "EHHH NEXT WEEK YOU FREE??? WNA GO BACK CEDAR CONNECT?? WEAR SCHOOL UNIFORM!!!" WTH purposely okkkkkkkk!

ANYWAYYYYY.
I can't wait to see all of them againnnnn! :D Pizza hut, Tauhuey, Steamboat, etcetcetcetc omgggg can't wait!!!!

And school has been greeat! Although I was super busy for the past few nights, rushing assignments, online quizzes, exams, tests etc. Crazy okay the weather's also freaking hot. Like 40degrees today?! MAD. Plus my aircon's spoilt. -_- Sad life. OH and because I bought an iphone recently and also a 400bucks BOSE speakers, I had to survive on instant noodles and cereal bars everyday. I wish I am rich. D:

OKAY I MISS EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG IN SINGAPORE!!!!

Life in US is greaaat! I hope I can go over to Newyork or Los Angeles next year! Woohooooooo

2008-05-02T13:05:00.000+08:00

My new crush takes drugs.

2008-04-30T16:43:00.002+08:00

HELLO I AM BACK~!

HHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

Had been super occupied for the past few days. Barely 3 hours of sleep each night, completing homework and studying for EXAMS. Shyt. And there are so many things dueeeee. Not enough time dammit. Luckily I have got no homework tonight, so I came home at 6 pm straight after school and fell asleep till 9+PM. HAHAHAHA. Not a pig ok. I need to replace my sleeping hours! HAHA.

AND YES! GUESS WHAT.
I have got a new crush omg.

American born chinese. Tall. Cute. Handsome. Like half korean half chinese, but doesnt know how to speak any language other than English. Hahah (omg so cute). AHAHAHA. Then ah, he has got this piercing on his left ear. (SO CUTE), and he is talllllllll (SUPER CUTE). HAHAHAHA. He is in my english class though, but he keeps making fun of me. Boo. Always bully me wth (but i dont mind HAHAHAHA). And and and and anddddd that day he winked thrice at me and did the shooting action using his hand. At that time I felt Cupid shooting an arrow at me.
HAHAHAHAH SEE. SO CUTE RIGHT! HAHAH GOSH!!!! His name is ben choi. Mwahahahahaha. I hope he doesn't read this omg hahahaha and he thinks I'm a genius. -_- (I'd rather him think that I'm cute than genius pls HAHAHA omg gross.)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
SO HAPPY.

2008-04-19T15:13:00.002+08:00

TIRED.
TIRED.
TIRED.
TIRED.

Gosh, I'm aching all over. (Including my brain) -_-

My weekly class schedule:
Monday: 9:30am-3.40pm, 6:30pm-8:10pm
Tuesday: 9:30am-5:00pm
Wednesday: 9:30am-3.40pm, 6:30pm-8:10pm
Thursday: 9:30am-3:40pm
Friday: 10:30am-11:20am

Now you know why I'm so glad it's Friday.
Well, I've survived through 2 weeks of school. I can persevere through 10 more weeks. HAHAHA.

Exams are going to start in no time. Tired. Tired. Tireddddddddddd. D:
All because we only aim for perfection.

ANYWAYYYY.
I MISS SINGAPORE LIKE MAAAAAD! OMGOSH.
Blog-hopped and read the band people's blogs. Gosh I know almost nothing about the band now, can someone please enlighten and update me??? HAHAHAHA.
YES AND ANGER ANG WANTS ME TO CRASH ACJC'S LECTURE IN JULY. Whaaaaat!

EEEE I MISS RECESS CLIQUE.
BAND LEADERS'07
Where'd you guys go???? Too busy to remember me. Hiks.

AND ALSO 4i07!!!!

HAHAHAAHAHA. Yes yes yes JULY 4th!!!!! :D

Eh, but no.
My schedule for July (4th-10th):
4th July: Reach Spore. Tired, so rest.
5th July: Go back Cedar. Take Olvl cert.
6th July: Meet Thk!!
7th July: Meet Mr Goh, Mr Chia
8th July: DAINESE!!
9th July: Meet Thk!! (part 2)
10th July: Go back Indo

OMGGGGGGGGGGGG!
NO TIME NO TIME NOT ENOUGH TIMEEEEEE. AAAAAH~ HOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHWOWWWWWWWWWW! :O
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Mwahaha.

Okay I'm gaining weight like crazy. No. I've GAINED weight like mad. I think I put on at least 5kg. Maybe 10. Shyt.
And Anger Ang Wei En has lost 15kg. So sexxay and hot. *whistles* LOSE WEIGHT FR WHO AHHHHH??? :D ;D

Toot lah Anger, you say wna talk to me online ytd then you didn't even come online. WTH. -.-

-
Accidentally your song played and I start reminiscing about those days once again.
Maybe it just won't go away, I've moved on fine. But forgetting you is another different thing.

2008-04-10T06:54:00.003+08:00

Jessica Arnanta Tjung's Spring quarter 08 resolution:
1) Study harder and focus more on schoolwork
2) Don't procrastinate and go to the gym
3) Save money and cook at home

But what is Jessica Arnanta Tjung doing currently (after 3 school days):
1) Read Econ & Acct for two consecutive nights and fell to deep sleep after only a few pages of Accounting
2) Went to the gym for barely half an hour
3) The ingredients for the cooking turns out to be more expensive than eating outside

OMG
OMG
OMGGGGGGG

-_-!

I'm currently taking 6 subjects by the way.
Microeconomics, Accounting, English reading (compre etc), History, Arts (history also -.-), and Astronomy!

Dammit, the astronomy class is ultra cool. The capacity is like 100+ people, and it's like a space theatre. We get to sit on sofa chairs (like those found in cinemas), and we get to lean back throughout the whole lecture. That's not the coolest thing though! The screen used for powerpoint slides, videos etc are concave in shape. Means the ceiling of the astronomy classroom is bent outwards. The roof is circular in shape. OMG DAMN COOL RIGHT! Yes and the lights get dimmed so that we can see stars. (The screen is like the sky) HAHAHA. Super expensive class though. US$655?? Excluding tax and textbooks. T.T

Because I'm going to take so many subjects, my school fees is going to be like whaaat? $3910 US DOLLARS OMG. Stab me please. Plus the school is not hiring anymore math tutors this quarter. So I'll have to wait till Sept to get my tutoring job. (WHAT!?!??!!) Die. Money crisis.

Okay back to cooking!!! :D :D :D
Not bad pls. HAHAHAHA. Beef noodle soup? HAHA! I ate japanese curry yesterday! HOHOHO

2008-04-07T13:14:00.002+08:00

YAY MOVED TO NEW HOUSE ALREADYYYYY! :D
So happi. ^^
(wth.)

But lazy to take photos. HAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAHAH okay so I'm dead for this month. Just bought new Bose Companion 5 speakers. US$431. Wth. HAHA it was super hilarious. Went into the shop and I simply asked the salesperson, "Excuse me I want to have a look at the Bose companion 5 speakers." It was barely 3 minutes and when he said that the price was $399 without tax, I replied with a , "ok I'll get this." HAHAHAHAHA I swear he was too shocked for words. HAHAHAHA. My wallet then became thin after that. HAHA now I have to survive the rest of the month eating plain crackers and drinking plain water. Crap.

School's starting tomorrow! Yay! Yay! Yay!
Maybe taking 26.5 units. I can foresee myself lying on the bed like a half dead cockroach. 6 subjects. HAHA. HAHA. Yes laugh at me please. Thank you.

BUT STUDYING IN HERE IS SO FUN UNLIKE JC LIFE HAHAHA.
No PW! No CCA! Got work = money. HEHEHE I LOVE MONEYYYY :D
Okay qian bian. Slap me. HAHAHAHA.

Gotta go now.
I changed name to Shan cai. Jessica Arnanta Tjung Ru Yan Shan Cai. WHOA!
AND DON'T ANYHOW FIND PEOPLE TO SUBSTITUTE FOR MY DAO MING SHI DAMMIT!

I thought I got over you but you know what.
I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you

HOWHOWHWOHWOWHOWHWOHWOWHOWHOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW :(

Too late. No turning back.
I'm not asking for much, just wna sit down and stare at you.
How can I keep pretending that I have moved on when in fact you're always stuck in my mind 24/7. I feel so helpless and pathetic. I feel like crying. I want the old times back. Don't want anyone else. Hate this. Hate that. Left with no choice but to walk away.

That is how you feel when you choose to leave behind something valuable to you.

But I only want you to be happy.

2008-03-30T06:49:00.002+08:00

YO PEOPLE I'M BACKKKKK WITH MORE UPDATES! HAHAHAHA.

Okay, school has ended. As in, I'm done with my first quarter. Ahhh! HAHAHA. So it's a week break from now. SPRING BREAK! WOOHOOOOOOOOO. :D :D But then I'll be busy with packing my stuff and all because I'm moving house with Kumkum! Wakakakakakkaka. We're moving from our homestay to a new apartment- GLENBROOK!

Shall post photos of our new house soon. Moving on 1st April next tue! Hohoho so happy. But it's so freaking expensive. Like $1845 per month excluding electricity & internet etc. 1 Bedroom only. I'll be sleeping in the same room as Kumkum. DIFFERENT BEDS OK. HAHAHA don't think sick pls. Hueheuheu so exciteddd! Soon I'll be off to ikea to pick the furniture etc. I will die next month because I can foresee myself spending so much money. Craaaap.!!

As for school, like what I said earlier, Winter quarter has ended. Yay! It's the Spring quarter next and so on.
Fortunately, grades for the subjects that I took were surprisingly good. I was really pleased and shocked at the same time. A+ for Business, and A for Math10 Statistics. Got a PASS for the English writing course too! :D Although I still feel like crap whenever I think of the W mark on my Calculus class (W stands for Withdraw).. But at least my GPA (Grade Point Average) now is a 4.0 Mwahahahhahaahah! Well, it wouldn't have happened if not for God. Yes, I'm really thankful. :) Like I had to get 100% for Math10 Final exam to get an overall A? Hoho. :D

And for the Spring quarter, I feel like taking up a job! Was offered to be a Math10 tutor by my math teacher. Not really interested in the pay but more on the experience part. Hahaha but I would really like to work in the school bookstore though... eee but no more available space! Dammmmmitzxzzxz. So yeah, I hope I get accepted in the tutoring centre. It's alright though if I don't get the job. No loss. HAHA.

Next quarter I'll be taking more subjects:
Econ2 (macroeconomics), Acct1A (accounting), Astro4 (Astronomy), Arts2B (History of Arts Europe), English (Comprehension etc).
Gotta work hard man! HAHAHAH. But I shall enjoy myself fully for now. Mwahahahha. Going to SIX FLAGS (vallejo) tomorrow. Woohoooo! So excited. ROLLERCOASTER! HAHA. Moving house on Tuesday, and I don't know about the rest of the days.

My first choice Uni now is Cornell University. AHHHHHH, but it's friggin tough omg I can die. If all goes well, I'll be able to transfer to University by next Sept or so? :D

YAY I LOVE AMERICA. :) :) :)
-

And yes, I have got an announcement!!!!!!!!

THIS APPLIES TO SEC3-4, JC1-2 STUDENTS!

IF YOU NEED TUITION FOR MATH OR CHEMISTRY, PLEASE LOOK THROUGH THE DETAILS BELOW.
(If not.. then.. READ ALSO LAH WTH HAHA)

Location of Tuition Centre: Bishan Salvation army
(Good for those staying nearby BISHAN)
[Main Branch: Bukit Timah]
Tuition will be available: AROUND MAY

For: Jc1&2 chemistry and maths (currently)
Capacity: Max 10 per class for JC
Rate: 1 subj 2 hrs 4 lessons $200
2 subj 2 hrs 4 lessons $380
3 subj 2 hrs 4 lessons $540

For: Sec3-4 chemistry, e-maths, a-maths **HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!!!!!
Capacity: Max 15 people in a class
Rate: 1 subj 4 lessons 1.5hrs each $120
2 subj 4 lessons 1.5 hrs each $220
3 subj 4 lessons 1.5 hrs each $300
4 subj 4 lessons 1.5 hrs each $400

1. NOTES FROM THE TUITION CENTRE WILL BE PROVIDED!
2. TEACHERS ARE EXPERIENCED
3. PLEASE CONSIDER, IF NOT, TRY TO PASS DOWN THE MESSAGE K!! :D
4. IF INTERESTED, GIVE ME A REPLY.

Okay! Thank you for your time! :D Hope to hear from you people soon! :D

-

AHAHAHAHAH YES I did send out emails. HAHAHAHA. But couldn't send to all contacts. Cuz too many people. Eeks. ;(

Ya la ya la. THK will be the one teaching Sec3-4. HAHA. Can't believe I have talked to him on the phone for like 4 times so far??? LDC OMG. (note: LDC LONG-DIST-CALL, not LDR!) HAHAHAHA.

AND YESSSS I MISS MY EX-CHEMISTRY TEACHER!!!!!!! (suddenly). HAHA
Called him ytd to wish him Happy Birthday! HAHAHA. But not fun cuz when I said "Hello", he said "Jessica?" HAHAHAH! WAHLAOOOOO no fun no fun. HAHAH. But anywayyyy happy birthday mr chia! :D :D :D :D :D

Okay I got to go Ikea. BYE. Happy life! Please tag!
AND TAY ZHIYUN! YOU WANNA DIE IS IT. DONT WEAR ANYTHING THEN WILL CATCH COLD OK. -_-

HAHA.

I MISS RECESS CLIQUE!

(I still miss you)

2008-03-25T16:32:00.002+08:00

It all happened too quickly.
Perhaps I already felt something amiss when I first saw you, but I just couldn't comprehend the reason why.
Felt that something wasn't fine, and that there's something wrong.
Didn't have the courage to ask. Didn't even have the guts to show my concern.

Suddenly so many provoking questions and unsure assumptions bombard my mind.
Chains of thoughts and never-ending conclusions keep appearing. How can I make this stop.

I know it's not the right time for me to keep wondering about some redundant things, but.
I will be lying if I say that I'm not afraid you'll not come back here again.

Sometimes I feel like I'm such a fool.
Because I'm always unable to express myself
Yes I'm unable to show that I still do care for you.

2008-03-23T10:29:00.003+08:00

I was inspired by LZY's blog entry and so I went to read my past blog entries too and that made me burst into MANY fits of laughter.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

1) "I wore the long skirt to school today and guess what. I tripped over my long skirt and fell during jogging. DAMN IT. it had been a longlong time since I last fell. and this time, I fell because of a skirt. a LONG skirt. how embarrassing.
I want to complain!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA OMG. SUPER DUMBBBBBBB!

2) then we had PE. HAHA. muhaina, nishanthi, fathiyah and I went down to help out with 3i's belay school. mr chris chan was in charge of 3i because he swapped duties w mr chan chee kiang. ms poon said they're the CHAN BROTHERS. gosh. haha!! and randomly mr chan asked me if I take Bahasa Indonesia or Malay. I told him I cld speak 5 languages. of course he asked me what languages la.
"hmm. english, chinese, indo, malay..."
"eh indo and malay same thing la. not counted as 2!"
"ok lo. means i know how to speak 4."
"english, chinese, indo, and what else?"
"jap."
"ha really ah. serious?"
"ya. i speak for you to hear okay. hmm. jap ah? easy what. honda, mitsubishi, toyota, sushi, wasabi.. HAHAHA!"

3) haha yesterday physics lesson was hilarious. mr goh asked the class when's his next lesson so I said friday. good friday means no lesson what! then he said, "huh I thought tomorrow have!" but that lesson is already swapped with emaths. so I said, "no lah. dont have. change with emaths." he gave me the HUH-REALLY-SURE-NOT look and he said, "huh I dont understand!" so I explained to him.
"tomorrow no physics because swapped with emaths."
"?? why!"
"ha you don't know meh. because mrs ng said that you're her good friend then.."
I haven't even finished my sentence and he burst out laughing. he was like, "HAHAHAH!! GOOD FRIEND AH AHHAHAHAHA." and someone in the class said "yucks." so he said, "WHAT YUCKS?! HAHAHAHA!"

4) went to pizza hut after school with anger, jiani, silin and zhiyin. ate the usual chicken royale baked pasta! yay. love it. haha. anger was having stomachache, see la. eat too many chocolates already right. zhiyin met this old man who asked her if she has got friends who're bak-bak one. HAHAHAHAHA. wth.

5)and today, HAHAHA. stupid can.
anger, zhiyin, jiani, jenny, silin and I were on the first level bookshop area, and walking up to the second level by the first level empty corridor staircase. anger was in front of me, and she was leading the way up. and then when we were about to turn and walk up the stairs, mr chan was smack right in front of her. and. she..
BURST OUT LAUGHING IN HIS FACE OMG.
droplets of saliva flew outta her mouth. (got the spraying sound somemore)
and luckily when she did that, she turned her head to face the wall and the droplets of saliva didn't land on his face. HAHAHA. and after she did that, mr chan turned, looked at us in amusement + horror. HAHAHAHA.
OMG. HAHAHAHAHAHAH STUPID LA ANGER HAHAHA.

Okay and manymany more. Mwahahahahah!!

DAaaarn. I really can't wait for the 4th JULY. HELLO SINGAPORE! HAHA! :D

I'm doing fine here and yes I'm happy.
But it's a different kind of happiness when I was in Cedar. Haha ;D

I MISS THOSE TIMES!
Pizza hut chicken royale baked pasta, $1 Koko Crunch (zhiyin owes me 1!!!), 1 30cent nugget, 30cent soyabean, vending machine after band, tauhuey, ppmac etc etc!

EEE I REAAALLYYY MISS EATING CHICKEN ROYALE BAKED PASTA WITH THE RECESS CLIQUE!

2008-03-18T00:59:00.003+08:00

OKAY. I'M BACK! HAHA. :D

Didn't blog because I had too many things going on, like school work etc.

As for school... I've finally decided to turn over a new leaf and sleep early (HAHA). I have a 7.50am English class on Monday & Wednesday. And since my house is ultra far from school, I've got to catch the 7.03AM bus and wake up at 6AM! Daaaarn. Because of this, I used to skip English class for a dumb reason and that is- I CAN'T WAKE UP. -_-" Hoho! But not anymore because I have been attending all of the classes PUNCTUALLY! Plus I don't owe the teacher anymore homework hahahahahahahahahahah. Super happy because guess what! I've obtained a 20/20 for the recent in-class essay. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Oops sorry I'm not being arrogant but seriously this is the first time that I'm pleased with my own performance. The first time ever since I tried out the U.S education system. HAHAHA. Happy happy~!

I'm still crossing my fingers for my Math10 midterm3 though. I doubt I can get A. Shyt.

And oh noooooo-
I'm missing Cedar and 2007 so bad that I really can't wait for 4th July to come! HAHA :D

-

So many things have happened, and sometimes it did cross my mind to why all of these occur.
Why not last time, why not next time, why now? WHY NOW?!?

You know what, I have been trying to be strong. Put up a fake front, and face everything with a smile.
I'm alright with anything, as long as you're happy. Even if your happiness doesn't include me at all. It's okay,
It's alright.
As long as you are happy.

But guess what gave me a slap in the face, and caused me to wake up from all these.

It is when I found out that you thought of me as otherwise.
It is when I realised that you don't trust me at all.
That is what that hurts the most. That gush of disappointment, that bitter empty feeling.
How could you ever doubted me? How could you ever think that I wouldn't be on your side?
So yes, in simpler terms, you think that I have changed.
I'm no longer that same person whom you know. I won't stand by you anymore. I think you are the one at fault. Etc, etc.

No, in actual fact I'm not mad at you. I don't blame you. I know it's not your fault.
All these happened because of no one else but me. It's my fault.
My fault for letting this momentary feeling overcome me, for thinking that you are that special person I'll ever need.
My fault for not being able to scream and shout and react appropriately when he smeared your name.
My fault for trusting what we used to have, for holding on to something superficial, for not being able to let go.

Well I should've explained better. But I guess it's of no use. It ain't important anymore.
You don't even know how much you mean to me.

What's gone is gone. No use crying over split milk.
It doesn't matter because in your eyes, I'm someone different now.

Yes;
What hurts the most, was being so close, and having so much to say.

Face to face, but a thousand miles apart.
If I could just swallow a pill to erase all of these memories, I would.

2008-03-04T13:44:00.002+08:00

MWAHAHAHAHAH! Finally the sleeping disorder virus in me has gone away. Slept at 11pm three days ago, 10pm two days ago, and 2am last night. Plus that was because I had to rush 12 journals okay! HAHAHA. See, what a matured 17 yr old. MWAHAHAHAHAHA.

The only mind-boggling issue in my life now is mostly about studies. Piece of crap, if I don't get A for the next statisics Midterm, I am so going to die. ARGH!!!!! Business10 isn't worrying at all for the moment, but who knows! Siggghhhhhhhhh it's so expensive to live and study in the US. $3000+ for a term's school fees? And another $1000 for books??? T_T At this rate I can never get to buy my BOSE COMPANION 5 speakers because they cost like $399? SIGH. What a life. It ain't easy to be me because most of the time I can never get what I want. Mwaha.

Eh, I'm not emo-ing. Ignore the previous entry. Hoho.

Sometimes I can get pissed off with myself.
Because I can never do what I plan to do:

I am not able to avoid you.

2008-02-29T15:24:00.002+08:00

It hit me so hard at that moment because I'd never expected myself to have fallen so deeply; into a hole that was dug by no one else but me.

What else can I do now but to let go, walk away, and move on.

I can't believe I just gave up,
I just let you drop out of my life.
I tried to make you stay, then one day,
it just got too hard and I saw that what you
really wanted was a life without me.
So I gave up, and now you're really gone.
I wish I could make you come back;
But tears, wishes, and reminiscing do nothing
and instead make my heart break a little more.

Frankly I never knew it would be this hard to lose something I never had.

Even though I try so hard to keep myself as busy as possible so that the thought of you will disappear from my mind, it gets even harder because I know it is impossible to run away this time. Each time I start to wonder why things are turning this way, the more I start to doubt about the reality of what used to-bes. Reminiscing about those moment will do never make the situation any better because somehow I know things will never be like how they were before. Even though you'll never know I'd do anything to relieve what we had.

Damn, it's sad because everyday we used to spend together is slowly being replaced by everyday we spend apart.

They say that time heals all wounds but all it's done so far is give me more time to think about how much I miss you.

2008-02-28T02:16:00.001+08:00

Last night,
it felt like as though the whole world just came crashing down on me.

What a way to wake me up from these dreams. It all comes down to nothing but just plain,
adolescent infatuation
teenage fantasy.

No, I'm not alright.

I need time.

2008-02-25T19:44:00.002+08:00

Hello everybody! HAHAHA. I'm sorry that I've been neglecting this place. Oops.
But what matters most is that I'm back to update right! AHAAHAHA
And!
I bet this entry is going to be a more matured entry because this post is actually typed by a matured young 17 year old. MWAHAHAHAHAHAH. At last, goodbye 16 and hello 17. HOHO. ;D

Well, first I would like to thank everyone who made my day, regardless of whether you all were with me here or not! It's the thought that counts eh, mwahahah. Thank you!!!! Yup, you people who made 25th Feb 08 a memorable one for me. Hahahhaha. I did have a wonderful birthday! So I'm going to blog down whatever that happened so that I will not forget. Hahahaha.

On 23rd Feb I had a mini party in Raymond's house. Catered Indo food and invited like 20+ of them. Hahaha, ate and laughed and played. Was fun eh, took so many lame photos hahahahaha. Thank you Raymond fr lending us your apartment! :D

Went back home about half an hour before 12am 25 feb. I changed to my pyjamas and was engrossed playing the computer. Chatted with Zhiyin, Jiani etc and suddenly my mom came online so we webcammed for a while and a few minutes after 12am, Anger and Jenny skyped with me. AHAHA. Thank you everyone!!! :D :D Mwahahah, was really touched that yall still rmbed! :)

Yes and at around 1 or 2 mins after 12am, my housemate Debby knocked on my door and said she couldn't sleep so she would like to chat with me in my room. I was thinking like er alright haha so she sat beside me and stoned while I laughed my head off over MSN chats. Hahaha! A few minutes after, my other housemate Evelyn called. She went like, "Jess, I forgot to bring the house key. Can you come out and help me open the door?" -_- I thought she didn't mean what she say, so I didn't take it seriously HAHA. After 5mins or so, she called again. So yeah, I went out of my room and opened the front door.

When I turned the door knob, I was already confused. I mean it's totally unlocked!!! Plus I saw no one when I opened the front door, but when I looked down, there was this huge white box of height at around my thigh level? HAHA. Ya then about a few metres away, I spotted Evelyn. I went like, "OI. What are you doing there?!?! The door isn't even locked!" Yeah and out of the blue, the rest of my friends appeared from behind the car parked outside the house. HAHAHAHA.

Omg k! I was like whaaaaat! All of them came! Was too shocked to start counting. There were like about 15+ people and seriously it was already 1230am! HAHAHA. They then started singing birthday song but I was too shocked to respond. Then they made me open the gift placed in the big box. Damn it I was really scared k, they were all staring at meeeee and I thought there was going to be something dangerous and scary hidden in the box. Maybe like a snake or what! HAHAHAHA.

Yes so I tore the wrapping paper and they made me take out the items in the box one by one, and I had to count the number of items that were present. Started with item number 1... all the way till the last one present in the box and that was item number 16. They then went like, "HUH??? We got 17 items! Where's the 17th!?!?!?" For a moment I thought item number 17 is the box itself (HAHA) but a few seconds later, the light suddenly got dimmed and my 3 other friends came into the house with a lighted birthday cake! All of them then sang the birthday song omggggg dammmmn I was so touched I almost cried! There were already tears in my eyes even from the moment when I first opened the house door! Plus I was still shocked to even come back to my senses. Oh my goodnesssssss they're like super sweeeet! Made a birthday wish (I can't really remember it now -_-) and then started cutting the cake. BUT WTH! They all bullied me by making me give the first piece of cake to a guy. -_- doesn't make any sense but nevermind. Not important. HAHA.

Hahaha so we took photos and they went back at around 1AM plus.

:-) THANK YOU PEOPLEEEEE!!!! GOSH! It's super touching and ultra sweet for all of you to come down just for my birthday! Plus the items in the big box are really the things that I love. Was awed by every single item. Whenever I took out an item, I would go like, "Gosh, how did you know I like this?" Hahaha! Really a wonderful 17th birthday, for a period of time I'd thought of just sleeping through the 25th feb and pretend like as though there's nothing significant happening on that day. Haha, you people really pulled the strings of my heart k! Hahaha. Thank you thank you! For everything yaaaaa! ;D

Yup, especially to my beloved housemate Evelyn aka KUM KUMMMMMMM!!!!! I know you went through damn a lot and spent a great deal of time planning all these, from buying the stuff to getting down to making them and then finally organize all this. Super touched kkkkk! Yup and also TOU! Hahahaha! THANK YOU THANK YOUUUUUU!! ;D ;D ;D

17th birthday, 17 items, from a group of lovable great people! :)

Yep, I love every single one of them. Not only because I do like them beforehand, but also because of the people who gave it to me. :)

2008-02-24T04:43:00.001+08:00

Only one person. And no one else.

Sorry if it hurts, it just gotta be that way.

2008-02-19T03:00:00.000+08:00

Well yes it was kinda tough initially.
But in the end, nothing else matters because hey, I got over you.

2008-02-17T03:58:00.000+08:00

Hahahahahhaa.
Wtf?

2008-02-11T18:32:00.000+08:00

No, I don't want anyone else but you.

2008-02-10T10:18:00.000+08:00

Bwaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh

My eyebag's getting from bad to worse. At this rate, I can really qualify to be a human version Panda. This is bad, the feeling is coming back once again. I know it will hurt.

The thing is: Yes. It did hurt.

What was more shocking is that I actually did something unexpected that caused all of these dilemma. Darn, I swear that it was done unconsciously. But it did allow me to finally decipher all of the questions that had been bombarding the walls of my head. I can't run away from this feeling anymore, self-denial isn't the cure.

And sometimes I wish there would be a machine which can clear us of our doubts, erase all of the painful memories, delete the unhappiness away. Shit, I don't want to spend another night like yesterday. So sick of love songs, so tired of tears.

If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me.

Or have you already left?

I want to go back to those days when there was only you and me.

2008-02-09T18:59:00.000+08:00

Crap, it hurts.

2008-02-05T11:56:00.000+08:00

Oh hello. I'm actually here for no specific reason. HAHA.

Darrrrn, there's absolutely NO holiday for us here during Chinese New Year. Saaad. No red packet & no holiday. Haven't even bought new clothes. Siggggh. Gotta Skype with family at 430AM 6Feb this wednesday. I'm so going to wear my bladdy red Winnie The Pooh pyjamas. HAHAHAHAHA. My uncles, aunties, cousins etc would be there staring into the laptop (staring at someone wearing red pyj desperately wishing everyone Gong Xi Fa Cai so that she can get ang bao money transferred to her bank account) HAHAHAHA. Shyyyt. If only I'm rich.

Stupid people do stupid things and say stupid words. Are you really stupid or did you say all those intentionally. Because if so, I really want to give you a tight slap. Mind your own business, I don't need you to rub salt onto the wound. Onto my wound.

Jangan Bilang Tidak

Ku pernah punya cinta namun kini ku sedang suka kamu
Cintaku dulu tlah kubuang jauh kini ku ingin kamu

Ku pernah menyendiri di sini ku akan terasa sepi
Walaupun bibir penuh gelak tawa namun hatiku sepi

Jangan bilang tidak bila kita belum mencoba
Siapa yang tahu akan sama hatimu dan juga hatiku
Banyak yang bercinta bertahun-tahun putus juga
Kuharapkan dengan dirimu walaupun singkat pendekatan
Cinta kita kan abadi

Ku pernah punya cinta namun kini ku sedang suka kamu
Cintaku dulu tlah kubuang jauh kini ku ingin kamu

Jangan bilang tidak bila kita belum mencoba
Siapa yang tahu akan sama hatimu dan juga hatiku
Banyak yang bercinta bertahun-tahun putus juga
Kuharapkan dengan dirimu walaupun singkat pendekatan

Omg go listen to this song. It's ultra niceeee! :-D

Sometimes we wonder why lyrics of certain songs speak what's on our minds.

I walk away, try to ignore and pretend.
Now I get turned off when your name is being mentioned, why is that so?
Let go and move on, it's pointless to wait for someone who will never come back again.

See, it's the biggest mistake when you reappeared.
Nothing but a passing fancy, gone were those days in which the world seemed to belong to only you and me.
Move along, move along. The feeling's gone.

Okay wth forget about the stuff that I wrote. Wasn't referring to anyone specifically.

I WANT TO DRINK JAMBA JUICE!!!!!!!!

Now I smile when the thought of you appears in my mind. What does that mean.

2008-02-04T06:36:00.000+08:00

Slept at 6am again once more. But this time round it's because of international call! HAHAHA.
Called Anger first and talked for more than an hour. Then she had to shit/bathe/dontknowwhat so I was scrollling down the contact list thing in my hp and called wanning! HAHAHA. Wanted to call those with house phone because then they wouldn' have to pay for incoming calls. :D :D :D

Wanted to contact the teachers too but yeah.. Next time I guess? Haha when Mr Chia asked what time is it here I said 4.30am. HAAHHAHAHA. He went like, "You should be sleeping at 430am!" LOLLLL. Going to contact him next time, I guess. Hmmmm but guess whaaaat! I managed to reach Mr Goh! :D Like FINALLLLLYYYYY. HAHAHAHAHA. But I'm quite scared that he would have to pay for incoming call. It's going to be ex okkkkk. Boooooo

And yes, Thk called again. Hmmmmmmm mwahahaha!

Shit, I miss Sg & Cedar. Especially Valentine's at Cedar. Darrrrn!

2008-02-01T13:16:00.000+08:00

Damn, I really hate math now. YUCKS. It's really super tedious ok. Learning about DIFFERENTIATION but the method they use here is way different. I can't seem to relate to the solution, how am I going to survive through a quarter of Calculus. Argggh!

Example:
Find f'(x) [gradient]
(zoom in to the picture)

YES.
SEE THAT!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!

It's like as though I have got a car, and I'm being forced to walk to school.
-_-"

Okay results have been disappointing. I'm demoralised, for the first time. Craaap.

Maybe I'm too complacent. Just never good enough.

Thirty one days in a brand new year and yet I've got many regrets already.
If only. Ya-ya..

You've got me in serious dilemma. Sometimes I wonder why am I so afraid.

2008-01-28T05:19:00.000+08:00

And so I thought I lost myself to the memories of the past,
Thinking that all these would eventually last.
But no, what's gone is gone. No turning back.

The realisation came too late.

The distance that seems to be increasing with every second that passes by
It's like an entire ocean separating us.
I try to hop onto a boat, try to get to the other end,
but how am I supposed to do that when the wind's blowing so strong.

Cracking my head to find ways to build a wooden bridge that would connect the two sides together
But to no avail.
Should I just give up, let nature takes its course, allow you to disappear, to drift further and further away.

Anyway Thk called me one day after results were released. Ha!
I was super shocked, I didn't expect him to make a call over. Mwahahaha :)

Next week's going to kill. 2 Exams. And I have not started studying for both.
Damn, what a life.

Somewhere inside it hurts quite a bit.

2008-01-25T15:56:00.000+08:00

Dammmit so my L1R5 is 9. But the school and MOE data has my L1R5 as 10. DARN!

Shouldn't have converted to Spore PR! My chinese Olvl data is stored under my first NRIC. The rest of the results are stored in my current NRIC. BEST! -.- Hiks.. If the 5 pointers can qualify for speech day.. I can't :( Because I'm a 6 pointer in the school's data. Booooo.!!!!!

Somehow I miss those days of ours.

2008-01-24T18:28:00.000+08:00

Stuuuuuuupid.
Error with my L1R5 computation. sucks man! Last time it was during Prelims, PAE admission, and now it's for JAE admission. Wahlaoehhhhhhh! -_-

Anyway, Olevel results:

English A2
Higher Chinese C6
Chinese A2
Amath A1
Emath A1
Physics B3
Chemistry A2
Biology B3
SS/Geo A1

By right it should be L1R5 of 9 right? But my guardian says the form says it's 10.

WTH! 10 and 9 makes a lot of difference k! Ya ya I know that I don't need this to go JC BUT STILL. 10 is a double digit and 9 is a single digittttt. I want to hurry fix this stupid brainless problem but I'm not even in Singapore. I don't even know how to result slip looks like. HAHAHAHAHA! STUPID LAH.

Anyway I'm happy for all of us! YAY CEDAR. 9.9!
AND OF COURSE 4i! 7.9!
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Even though I'm like way below average but it's alright. At least the class did well. HAHA.

Quite satisfied with 9 points.. even though I'd aimed for 8. HAHA no diff. I was rather shocked tt my SS/GEO is an A1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH SIAO. My geog map reading- "It looks weird." -.-" My goodness! Yes, and I'm super amused abt my HMT! C6! SUPER EMBARRASSING! HAHAHAHA but at least it's a pass. LOL LOL LOL.

Disappointed abt my sciences.. especially Physics..! :-( :-( :-(
Even though Mr Goh said that I did ok.... It still hurts man! AWWWWCH. If only I can get a distinction for Physics.. Everything would be perfect. HAHAHAHAHAHA. So sad so sad SO SAAAD. But at least I'd improved from F9 during prelims. LOL. Luckily I didn't drop Physics! :D

Chemistry tooooo! Oh nooooo why a 2???? Sigh ok I'm not going to take Chemistry anymore. Changed my mind about Chem. 'Chemistry is life, life is chemistry' AS IF LAH. HAHAHAHAHAH sheeeeesh.

Alright, did a lot of catching up with people today.. :-) Hehe I miss Cedar!!
I must remember to give Mdm Lum a call. Ok, must rmb must rmb.

Zhiyin is damn high because she had body contact with her beloved. Eee. HAHA congrats too!
RECESS GANG! WOOOHOOOOO! So happy for everybody. Yay!

It's 240AM now. Wth.

Once again, congrats to those who did wellllll :-D

2008-01-22T16:06:00.000+08:00

OMGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

24 JAN 2:00 PM = 23 JAN 10:00 PM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANTICIPATE FOR MY CALL OK EVERYBODEHHHHHH! ;D ;D ;D ;D

I can imagine myself saying:
"Hello Mrs Loy!!!!!! JESSICA here!!!!! HOWS MY RESULTS???"
"Oh. English F9, HMT F9, Amath F9, Emath F9, Physics F9, Chemistry F9, Biology F9, SS/Geo F9"

o_o

DIE MAN!!!!!!!!!!!

OH SHITTTT! It sucks to listen to yr results through the phone. EEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

2008-01-22T06:19:00.000+08:00

She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

2008-01-22T05:41:00.000+08:00

A rollercoaster of emotion.

I want to believe in 'Ignorance is bliss'.
Go on with my own life, do my own things, without having to constantly pause and wonder:
What is happening between us?

Is there anything that I can do to make the situation better,
Make it all go away,
Go back to where phonecalls never ended, Instant messages never ignored.

Isn't this what I wanted

Like we never had a falling out
Like the tears had never hit the ground
Like you're still here
You're still here

'Argh! So complicated for what! Like then like lah, don't like then don't like lah.'

SIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,
Sigh.

暧昧让人变得贪心
直到等待失去意义

I can't believe I'm missing you.

2008-01-21T03:55:00.000+08:00

And after all these while, I lost myself to the memories of the past

You.